Zoë is 18 Months Old! A few things we love about her...

OK Zoe-bug. It's your time. I tweeted and posted on fb about you, but never did an official round up for your 1st birthday! Our Christmas Letter was the closest I came, but most of it is dedicated to your brother's musings (sorry sweet child).

The first things that come to mind when I think about you:

• climber - the other day you did multiple rounds of chair, to table to kitchen counter top. Oi vey. 
• Nursling (who knows how long we'll last?)
• awesome laugh
• loves dresses
• obsesses about EVERYONE's shoes (and wants to put them on) 
• Loves the water: you'd take three baths/showers a day if we'd let you.  
• Swims with your 'floatie' life jacket - and you can jump off the diving board by yourself. (Boating this summer is going to be epic with the kids)
• Good listener... and you even know how to mind. 
• You likes CLEAN PANTS - and are pretty good at using the potty when given the opportunity but are not diaper free (yet). 
• You're Our Little Yogi: love to down dog on anyone's yoga mat. 
• Love to Dance. 
• Love your big brother -- officially started sharing a room with him last week, and you even sleep in bed with him (well, you start out the night sleeping with him...)
• ORAL FIXATIONS: Play Dough, Chalk, pennies, legos... pretty much anything that's a choking hazard you STILL like to put in your mouth. 
• Digs Tutu's and Handbags
• Great eater: from onions in pasta sauce to green chilies in dips: not much for animals though (I don't blame you!)
• Like to be cuddled and held
• Will go  anywhere in "the pack." (Technically the Ergo, and primarily on my back but you're also a big fan of the stroller). 
• Learning to "jump" and can balance on one foot. (Makes sense since you've been walking since you were 10 months old!)
• Love your Daddy - snuggles, games and are (more often than not) devastated when he leaves for work (or at least you acts that way). 
• Favorite word is "yeah." 
• You love your Grandparents...and you have a special relationship with each of them. It's pretty awesome to watch. 
• Favorite Foods: Blackberries, blueberrries and strawberries (pretty much any kind of fruit really). Grilled cheese sandwhiches. Pasta with home made marinara... black beans and rice, oh and you TEAR UP pizza.

Things Zoe Bug is not into: 

• Sleeping 10 hours straight... {due to my recurring breast issues (engorgement and multiple rounds of mastitis) from Z sleeping through the night at a very early age (6-8 hours at 2 weeks!); I started waking her to nurse at night more often. I then became the human nighttime pacifier, and have yet to wean her from her quick few 'sucks' at night and then back to sleep. Since we are a co-sleeping family, it was just easier than getting up at night to pump or having to take antibiotics because I have soooo much milk. (yes I'm a cow... In a past life, I'm pretty sure I was a Wet Nurse).}
• Potatoes: maybe if you sneak a french fry from your brother or someone's plate, (but out side of that neither of my kids are into pommes de terre... doesn't matter if they're baked, boiled or mashed.) You don't want them. 
• Keeping darling head bands and bows in your hair -- but with amazing curls like yours, they're not really necessary. 
• Your 'size' of clothes. {Zoe is currently sporting 3T tops and bottoms with primarily 4T pajamas. She's been 97 - 100 percentile since she was about a month old. Her check up is in a couple of weeks... should be fun to see where she is.}

A few other words about my darling girl:

 Everyone thinks she's older than a year and a half; and not just because of her size (though she is starting to 'thin out' a little bit.) She's got a maturity to her that is so different from her brother. I've signed her up for a gymnastics class 20mo - 36mo starting in a week (I figure she's old enough since she turns 20 months during the session... albeit she turns 20 months the last week of the session, but still.)  She seems more ready to me for this class than Holden was at 36 months! In fact, I kept him in the mommy and me portion until he had started preschool. She just 'gets' things... she eats with utensils and prefers to drink out of a cup (not a sippy cup mind you, a cup... even if she's not great at it). 

She's definitely got more of my coloring (even if her hair is getting blonder by the day). Her tan lines are as adorable as the Coppertone Baby. 

So final words for you my sweet darling:

I wanted you so bad. I told everyone I didn't care if you were a boy or a girl, but secretly, I ached for you to come and be a part of our family. I wanted you to be a girl so bad! My mother is one of my best friends in the entire world and I hope we have a relationship as amazing as mine is with Mama Suite. I love how you surprise me with some new trick each day... I love how you explore and the world is so magical. I am torn between wanting time to freeze you in this amazing stage, trying to live in the moment and thinking about how things get more fun with you each day. (Consequesntly, this is also why I have cleaning ladies... life is too short for me to be cleaning all the time. And I would be, because let's face it... you and your brother are kind of like Tazmanien Devils when it comes to the house.) 

I love you so much Zoe. Your birth was a miracle and one of the single most spiritually astounding experiences I've ever had. Your life is a gift to our family and we're so glad to have you here! 

Zoë's Birth Story!!!!

I finally did it! I finally got Zoë's Birth Story written for her, and me ... and you, if you're interested. It can be found here. Hard to believe she'll be six-weeks this Wednesday. Should you chose to partake in the novella, I hope you enjoy hearing about our journey.

30 Days of Thanksgiving: (11/10/11): My Midwife

I am so thankful for my Midwife (ok, technically Midwives, because I am with the Midwife group up at the U.) But Lisa K, is the one I consider 'mine.' She was the first one I met with when I was looking for someone to take me as a VBAC candidate; and she's got such a calm demeanor about her. I love that she's totally on top of things, but doesn't hesitate to follow up with the resident if there's a question about standard of care. I also love that she doesn't shy away from the old school Midwife tricks of the trade: Evening Primrose Oil, Raspberry Leaf Tea, etc. And she'll say, "these are what the old-schhol Midwives did..." all while explaining there's no real scientific backing... but what have you go to lose, eh?

I love that after hearing my birth story with Holden, instead of saying "eek, sounds like you're broken," she followed up with "Hmm, sounds like you needed a little more time to ripen." Exactly... like a piece of fruit, the female parts just need time to ripen.

On Wednesday I had yet another ultrasound (I swear it was my 5th...or more!) and they measured me at 40 weeks 5 Days (I am technically somewhere past the 38 week depending on which 'due date' you're using: Nov 18 or Nov 23). Baby Z weighed in at 8 lbs 14 ounces (give or take a pound)...I'm obviously taking a pound and going with the 7 lb route. But she called today to make sure I wasn't stressed out, and assured me that at this point (and from feeling the baby at my appointment on Monday) that she didn't think I had a nine pounder inside of me, and there was no reason to jump to the conclusion that I needed a c-section. She said, "I still think the best course is to just give your body time to do what it's supposed to do."

Hallelujah!

I just hope my body decides that it's ripening time sooner than later.

PS. Here's a random thought... since I'm delivering at the U, and my uterus will obviously be involved in the blessed process, I'm pretty sure the cheer "Gooooooo Utes!" is taking on a whole new meaning for me at this juncture in my life.

30 days of Thanksgiving: (11/8/11): Validation

So last night we met with our doula(s)* for (what appears to be) the last time before labor. I'm feeling much more calm about this experience. i explained to Emily (our main doula) that I was surprised that I hadn't actually typed up my birthplan as this time with Holden it was about six pages that I was trying to reduce to a single front sided sheet of paper (how's font 8 sound?)

She said that it could just be 2nd child syndrome; but also that I have more faith in my providers...which I think makes sense. So much of what I outlined in my birthplan last time, is just standard practice for the Nurse Midwives at the U (I plan on delivering at the University of Utah hospital if I don't 'accidentally' just give birth in my bathtub at home.)

And I certainly could go on and on about all the things I am thankful for when it comes to the quality of care I've received up there...but what I think I'm really thankful for, is that this time I feel like no matter what happens I will feel more validated in my birth experience.

After Holden was born (via cesarean), I had a lot of guilt, frustration and depression about my birth experience. To try and console me --or just help me snap out of my post-partum funk-- many loved ones would counter with the phrase "All that matters is that you have a healthy baby," (and some would add 'healthy mama.') But I have come to realize that isn't ALL that matters. A woman's birth experience does matter...how she brings her child into this world matters a lot -- and for some more than others.

Yes, of course I'm thrilled that Holden was ok, and I was ok... but that didn't stop me from feeling what I did...and then I had to add guilt to it, trying to figure out why I was so upset when I had a beautiful baby to celebrate.

This time, it will be different... and not necessarily because I'm going to have my fairy-tale natural birth. That may or may not happen.

I may or may not even have a vaginal birth... but I'll be better prepared for any scenario; and know that I've done everything I can to make the best possible scenario for me and my baby...and if a c-section really is in the cards: with health care providers letting me hang on that full 42 weeks, with two doulas and the like, if it comes to that I'll know that this time my birth wasn't high-jacked by the medical community... it just wasn't meant to be.

And that my friends, is called validation...and I imagine that birth experience comes with a lot more peace when you get 'healthy baby, healthy mama.'

*We've had two back up doulas on this journey because the original gal we wanted is in nursing school to be a Nurse Midwife, and was afraid her schedule wouldn't permit her attending our birth. But now it looks like we'll just have both gals for the big reveal! Huzzah.

Image from Ask Liza

Happy Birth Day Holden! In your honor...

Well, Holden hit the 12-week mark today. I think I love that he was born on a Sunday. For me, Sunday’s are such a beautiful day to reflect on things you’re grateful for – experiences, family, and the like. It’s such a natural fit to look back at the Sunday he joined us in this world officially.

With that particular issue (no, more appropriately deemed “miracle”) in mind, I’ve decided to start another blog. No politics, and certainly I'm hoping it lacks pretension… holden's birth was the single most spiritual experience I've ever had in my life; and it didn't seem right to be "just another blog post" or buried at the bottom of this blog (maybe you feel the same way about your children?) So I’ve started with Holden’s Birth Story (though many of you have already read it), and invite the rest of you to share yours.

Hopefully, this will be a space for new moms (and others) to recognize and rejoice in what moms before them have been through, and celebrate the best (and worst) parts of L&D. Advice, insights, etc... from hypnobirthing and cesareans, to epidurals and home births... I want to hear about it all!

If you're willing to share your birth story, I'd love to have it be a part of "Our Favorite Birth Stories." Perhaps a link to your blog where it's recorded, or you might want to take a moment to record what you remember? Let me know and we'll work on the best way to share your story.

Please email me if you're interested. (Dad's are welcome too!)

Luvs,
Sabrena

PS. On a separate note: Holden only woke up once on Friday night! He's sleeping so much better; and we're not even doing any "method." Just a couple of stories ("Goodnight Moon" & "I Love You, Good Night") and a kiss on the forehead. He's such a stud!