2018 Holiday Recap

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When people ask if I’m ready for the holidays, my standard answer is pretty much “I’m about two-to-three-weeks behind everything in my life, right now.” I’m not quite sure what happened this past year, and it’s so cliché to say so, but time is really speeding up.

It blows my mind that in just a few months Holden will be a decade. We tried something new for him school-wise to start fourth grade. I joined the board of the Wasatch Family Foundation to get him admitted to Wasatch Waldorf Charter School because their lottery is about a thousand people long and my chances of winning the actual lottery seemed commensurate with getting him in.

The kid doesn’t like change – I mean, who does? He had a teacher in 1st - 3rd at Elizabeth Academy Montessori that he was ready to repeat third grade for "There's still so much I could learn from Ms.Dawn!" So it was kind of a rough start, and I was worried we had made a big mistake: but there’s a lot of good that’s coming from it (and not just that he’s learning to cross stitch.) He's made some great friends. Plus, as part of the Waldorf curriculum he started playing the double bass: it’s about twice his size. And his handwriting is coming along splendidly…so nice in fact, that for Christmas I’m gifting all my family handwriting books to build on his momentum. (Danny included).

Holden’s main passion is Magic the Gathering. Since we figured he needed to be spending more time with kids his age, instead of 20-30 year olds at the game shop for tournaments, he has taken up the charge to introduce and teach anyone willing to listen, to the game. I don’t really “get” it – but I do get that it’s something social that brings people together and how fun it is to share something you love and are passionate about with others.

He started singing lessons with local artist Jeff Smith this past year – and was elated to discover that along with music theory, he would be practicing Queen and Led Zeppelin, amongst other musical geniuses.

While he still skateboards socially (Zoë’s the one who got really into Penny Boarding this past year), his favorite sports are snow skiing and tennis. He’s also taking trampoline lessons in an effort to increase his trick-quota on the diving board for summer next year.

In addition to his MTG obsession, he’s into comics and movies and all types of music. But probably the neatest thing about Holden is his ability to empathize. One quick example was when we were setting up Christmas decorations and he mentioned to Zoë that “Mary should be laying down because she has a lot of pain. She’s happy, but she’s in pain.” I don’t know many nine year olds who are concerned with the birth experience, let alone thinking about how the mother of Jesus actually felt.

I’m really proud of him for the way he thinks about serving and helping others (he wanted part of his Christmas money to go towards the Salt Lake City Mission to feed the homeless). He’s an incredible child with a huge heart and he teaches me so much.

Another big-heart in our family – along with a big personality – is our ZoëBug. She turned seven on the seventh (#golden), but we often say she’s going on 17. When we asked her what she wanted for her birthday and Christmas, she responded: “A karaoke machine, a Teenager Starter Pack and peace on earth.” (Probably in that order.)

Oh, what’s a teenager starter pack you say?

“It comes with black headphones that I can wear around my neck like a teenager. A little player for my music,” she tells us. And then later describes how it has to be a small nano-sized mp3 player because “the big ones don’t fit in my pocket.” And to round off the starter pack… “And like $300 for music.”

We. Were. Dying.

I know they’re learning about money in first grade, but I’m holding onto the idea that $300 is probably about the same in her world as $25 (because that’s what she got to go towards music and seemed elated.)

Z is also a fearless skier. She doesn’t like to turn – she just likes to haul down the mountain fearless and stop when it’s convenient (for her.) She also started singing lessons this past year and has already had two performances and seems to adjust to the spotlight quite easily. I love how she gets more animated each time she’s on stage. Her teacher is super patient, as Zoë often has her own ideas of what she’d like to do – but thankfully is always steered in the right direction (though it often takes treats.)

She’s planning to play soccer again in the Fall – and is improving in the sport as well. When we brought to her attention that everyone on the team gets tired, it was a bit of a game changer and she realized she needed to try A LOT harder.

She loves music and math, and I pray everyday that she’ll keep her love of STEM through her teenage years. Not surprising, she’s a fiery little activist as well. And is still wondering why congress has not adopted her idea of putting bears in front of gun shops “so bad guys can’t get guns.” I applaud her outside-the-box thinking.

She’s our little cuddle-bug. She loves hugs and cuddles and more cuddles…just don’t touch her hair without her permission. And she would want me to share that she doesn’t like My Little Pony or Princesses… “and how come boys think girls can only like pink?!?!” she said over breakfast. I don’t know Z – I’d probably blame the patriarchy. ;)

And that is not the best transition to Danny, but it will have to do. It’s hard for me to write about Danny because I want to brag about what my family members are passionate about. So if Danny was “living his best life,” as opposed to working full time, or dealing with the pile of laundry I ignore, or meeting the Dryer repair man because I’m at a tennis match… or a myriad of other things, I could rattle off better stats about him. I imagine it would look something like: “Danny was able to dedicate hundreds of hours this past year watching college football, and managed to join Dan Patrick for ribs (that he never had to touch with his fingers) and a few guest segments on his show this past year. Sabrena joined him often for Crossfit WODs and cooked meat and vegetables multiple times a week. And not once this year did he have to wake up with an alarm for the day.”

But alas, that’s wishful thinking.

He did workout a lot – but I only joined him for a WOD once. He did watch a bunch of College Football, but could’ve enjoyed more. If he wants to eat animal protein for dinner it means he probably cooked the meal or we’re eating out. (Whoops!)

But he totally should get Husband and Father of the Year. The truth is, all the volunteering and fundraising I’m doing would not be possible if Danny didn’t take a key role in being the taxi-driver and keeping parity in our home. There’s no "husband’s job," or "wife’s job" – there’s just work to do, and care to be provided, and every year we spend together he seeks more actively to serve where there’s a need. I’m so grateful.

He joined the Discovery Gateway children’s museum board (again), and is also going to take over a bunch of my fundraising responsibilities for the foundation so I can focus on some other things.

He took up pickleball, is playing more tennis with me (date nights!) and hit all his professional goals for the year (going on ten years with Mountain West Small Business Finance in 2019!)

He makes us laugh everyday and is totally the kids’ favorite. His temperament and patience level is much more suitable for parenting than yours truly. But I count that as a blessing, not a strike.

Because I have a husband who manages so much of the emotional labor of running a household (did I mention he drives Zoë to school everyday and runs neighborhood carpool twice a week?!?!), I get to do things like play a lot of tennis and do a lot of volunteer work (oh and work. Yes, I’m still running my own business as a public relations consultant and freelance writer, but that’s just to help offset the cost of my tennis obsession.)

We’re celebrating a year anniversary of Pillows forPrisoners, and will donate another 400 for this holiday season thanks to the support and donations of so many of you (you can still contribute! It’s never too late.) I also volunteer to teach yoga at the jail – and it’s been a good way to connect with the women on a different level. Politics took up a bunch of time as well. We hosted as house party for Sheriff Rivera, who has been a huge help with the Pillows project and has an incredible story herself.

Mostly, I’m just trying to save the world and raise children who recognize the privilege we enjoy: and use that to help others. (And also eat really good food, and play a lot of tennis.)

This holiday season we’ll be reflecting on a refugee family from more than two thousand years ago—forced to flee their homeland for fear of persecution.  We’re making space, trying to treat others and fill our hearts with the same love and compassion Jesus Christ had for all those around Him.

Merry Christmas and happy holidays – however and wherever you’re celebrating.

Sabrena for the (Suite-)Mangums

This weekend, and what didn’t show up on my iPhone...

 Getting a late start on our road trip to Upstate Utah – but stopping in Ogden for beignets and waffles at Pig in a Jelly Jar on Historic 25^th Street, and then heading to Scruds for milkshakes where Holden climbed up to the bar and proclaimed: “We’re not here for beers or alcohols!”

I didn’t snap a photo of the kids arranging flowers for their two “Greats” and Grandma Stevie, or cuddling with Holden in his bottom bunk-bed as we whispered Math Facts into the darkness.

We ate meals around a giant table with four generations present and I watched Holden escort his Great Grandmother to the table and then (with no prompting from adults) watched him pull out her chair kindly and proudly.

She later would tell him about her Mother driving a car pregnant – and he would listen… and then later in a quiet moment to her reflect and remark “It must be hard having your husband gone.”

Zoë would make pictures for the Greats – with pictures of pianos, soccer, and flowers with petals leaves and pollen.

We would jump on the new trampoline – play ‘crack the egg’ and roast smores on the gas fire pit at “The Barn.”  We found pauses in the rain to shoot hoops and walk along the river with Danny’s parents while the kids rode bikes and stopped to look at a tree, a poinecone, smell some flowers or in Holden’s case – discover a snake.

When we stopped at the park he was convinced he found tadpoles – his Grandma and I thought they were a lichen on the river’s rocks, but on closer inspection they were actually some form of worm.

We made it back to The Barn. Holden leading the way and not complaining once about hauling his bike up the hill.

The rain would return but  that wouldn’t stop Zoë from her time on the tramp. At one point, the kids jumped nonstop for almost an hour.

We cuddled. We read stories. Holden started The Jungle Book with his Grandma while I finally got a shower. Danny tried to watch baseball. We all had naps – except Holden. He worked on art projects and spent time drawing comic books and working on art projects.

Stevie and I moved in synchronicity on food prep. Some how bobbing and weaving but not having to say much to one another and she mastered  the grill and we produced massive amounts of food for another meal before catching the Derby race.

The next morning Danny presented me with a flowery card that included purple butterflies. I saw it an immediately knew he had;t picked it out. “Where did you get this card?” I said, chuckling. “Zoë insisted you loved purple butterflies,” he said. He didn’t have to, but I loved we were both in on a secret joke – that was more sweet than silly.

We’d head to Snowbasin for brunch with 15 other family members. And still, I didn’t have my phone for pictures. I was just still taking it all in.

On the ride home, the Great Gradmas would join us, and before the kids settled into games on their electronic devices, Holden suggested we play the “Movie Game” where we’d recite lines from films and the rest of the car members would try to guess where they came from.

After that, the Greats shared a bit about what life was like before television – or even radios in Marion’s case. Holden wanted to know what football was like in Barbara’s (“G.G’s”) day and the most popular sports that Marion (“Nana”) enjoyed.

I thought a lot about my own Mother over the weekend (who is traveling overseas.) I thought about my Grandmas and my sisters. 

Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words. But sometimes I also think, it’s better to leave the camera-phone behind.

2015 Holdenism Highlights: As remembered primarily through facebook

 Holiday Holdenism:

"Mom, I believe in Santa," he says, as we're listening to Christmas music on the way to school.

"Me too," I say. "But I'm not sure about the whole flying-reindeer-thing."

"Yeah, I think it's chickens," he says, and then gives it a little more thought "....well, some type of bird. It would need to be an animal that flies."

 ‪#‎holidaychickens

Holdensim taste test results:

He says, "Kombucha is like the most horrible-ist thing ever."

"Mom, I want to learn about Raphael."

When he asked Danny about Raphael, Danny responded with an answer about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. “No, the artist Dad.”

In honor of Black History  -- we tried to spend some time talking about Dr. King and Civil Rights at home.

"Mom, Jesus was a Civil Rights guy... the best one."

On another occasion we talked about how there is still plenty of work to do: we need to set an example of peace, love and tolerance for others... and that somehow segued to him responding:

"But Heavenly Father never uses his force field on me."

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On a recent fieldtrip to the Museum of Natural History at lunch, Holden says to one of our friends who is chaperoning: "My mom and I are very concerned about Donald Trump becoming president."

Yesterday's Holdensim (6 years old, lest we forget):

Me, talking to (non-FBee) Lindsay Morgan while Holden's in the room: 
"Well, if I learned anything from my dream it's that I need to call Jane Marshall."

Holden: "Mom, you should call... wait, what was that Civil Rights leader?"

Me -- just looking perplexed.

Holden: "The black guy."

Me (with furrowed inquisitive brow): "Um, Martin Luther King?"

Holden: "Yeah! you should call him."

Me & Lindsay: "Why?"

Holden: "Because he had a Dream too!"

My Mom asks, “So Holden, what's your favorite thing to study in school?”

Holden: “That's easy--zoology! Oh, and botany.”

Two for One Holdenisms:

First, his conversation with Zoë...she had been singing songs of her own creation.

H: "So Zoë, what are you going to be when you grow up?"
Z: "Um, I will make Princesses."
H: "What? You're not going to be an Opera singer? But you are the best singer! Way better than I was at your age."

And second, less than five minutes later he tells me:

"Mom, when I grow up, I don't want to be a monster hunter. They just want to live in their natural habitat."

"I don't think monsters are real, Holden."

"Sasquatch is," he says emphatically.

"Good point."

And after his sister invents a new “YogaNinja” character, Holden tells us she says:

“I will Namaste in your face.”

Holden Gets an Answer

I'm staying home with Z from church today to help get her back to 100% before the school week begins. Holden, upon hearing that some of the household would not be attending church was optimistic the same fate would be extended his way.

"I don't want to go to Church," he moaned. "It's so boring and I don't ever get picked to do anything"

"We don't go to Church to be entertained, Holden," I say matter-of-factly. "We go to learn about God and to sit still and have a break to listen."

"In my class we don't even learn about God," he complains.

I raise my eyebrows.

"Ok Holden, we won't make you go. You get to decide." His face beams as if he's just got a free ticket from bed-making for the rest of his life. "I want you to go pray by yourself, and ask Heavenly Father what you're supposed to do. I want you to listen with your heart and your mind and really try to understand what you're supposed to do."  I said something about honoring his choice and left it at that.

He left the room and I heard his sweet soft voice coming from the down the hall. I was tempted to listen in and see what he was really saying...but I resisted and gave him some space. I think: What if he thinks God told him to stay home and watch TV? I get a mini panic in my gut, but remind myself to trust the process -- wasn't I in the same place on my knees just a week ago asking God if I should set foot in a Mormon church? (It had been a hard week, to say the least.)

A few moments later he returned with a somewhat sheepish grin on his face... I brace myself for my next move, take a deep breath and try to trust the process.

"He said I should go for the first part so I can do the songs I like, like 'Give said the Little Stream,' he tells me. "Just the first two minutes." Since I have often heard Holden say "we've been waiting for like 60 hours" when it's actually been less than five minutes, I took that as a go-ahead for the first block.

We talked about the importance of listening to what God tells you to do; and how he can speak to our hearts and our minds. I shared with him I went though a similar experience last week and that I had been told the same thing. I told him that having integrity was doing what God wants you to even when we don't want to (I'd like to point out, that I don't think this means I think everyone belongs in "Mormon church." I am definitely NOT saying that...that's another blog post, obvs.)

I told him I was proud of him for asking and for listening to an answer.

He said, "When I get older and am in Dad's position, can I use this story when I speak?'

Of course you can Holden.

Three Reasons I Love Being Your Mom: Holden

Dearest Holden,

Mother's Day is approaching and I wanted to take this unique opportunity to thank you for being such an incredible son. There are so many things I love about you, but I just decided I would narrow it down to three main categories. So, here we go.

1) Your Insatiable Thirst for Knowledge and Truth
People are telling me all the time "He's so smart." I think a lot of people says kids are smart because they are good readers, or can do complex math problems at a young age. And while you are progressing brilliantly at school, it's really how your brain works that makes me swell with pride. You're always asking how and why and where. Because of you, my interest in the Humanities has once again been sparked. You've said your favorite composer is Mozart but Tchaaikovsky wrote your favorite song. I learned about the causes of the Vietnam War from you (because you asked about it, and checked out a library book) as well as the Spanish American War (that apparently was fought via Cuba).  You want to know who came first: Adam & Eve or the Dinosaurs and if we really evolved from apes (because there are skeletons showing it!) And you're the first I've heard of to hypothesize that the Virgin Mary was like an earthworm -- having both Male and Female "parts."

You know we don't keep secrets. And you try really hard to make sure we are all telling the truth. You value knowing. Yours will be a hard battle Holden. The balance between Religion - Spirituality -  Philosophy & Science is a hard one. You will have to search your mind and your heart to find a place of peace... I'm glad I have you to help remind me that it's ok not to know all of the answers, but as we grow -- more light and truth can be gained.

Sometimes I wish we were like Thor, where he says (paraphrased) that in his world, religion and science are not two separate things -- but the same thing.

2) You're Commitment to Fairness 
It's a hard lesson, but this life -- it's not fair. All you have to do is look around and see that the social and economic injustice run rampant. I'm glad you know who Martin Luther King, Jr is... and that you think it's crazy that some people weren't (and aren't) allowed to do things just because of the color of the skin or their religion.

I like that you see the beauty in people's differences. And that even though we are all unique, where it really matters we are the same. You're love of fairness and equality will often be met with pushback in your life. But continue to follow your heart. As yourself "What would Jesus do?" But ask yourself what Martin Luther King and Ghandi and the Dalai Lama and Mother Teresa would do too. God is light, and truth can be found in so many places. I have to believe their is a fairness that exists somehow in the Universe -- but it is our responsibility to do what we can to help bring that fairness and peace to our world. Which brings me too....

3) Your Relationship with Peace
I say "relationship" because you are a boy. You love Superheroes and learning about Wars and the atom bomb and guns and so many things that make me sad for humanity. But at the same time, your heart is good. You adopt whales, and chose the child with Downs Syndrome in your class room to help with your birthday snack and tell me "He's my best friend." (The demarcations of "typical" "special needs" and "gifted" mean nothing to you.)

You help your sister and say you "need to protect the girls at recess." You recognize when something is bothering me and do your best to be a comfort.
Everyday you sharpen your skills of diplomacy having sweet Zoë-bug as your little sister.

Even with agression-obsession moments, you have the exact opposite moments...tender, loving, thoughtful moments. Making sure the toys you pick out don't have guns because you know I don't approve of them in our house. When you learn about war, it is already with a peace-makers heart -- asking "why, why why?"

Because of you, I am learning so much more about life.

Thanks you for your amazing mind and your HUGE heart. I love being your Mom.

Thank you for being the guinniea-pig of my experience. Please forgive me as I do my best to try and help you dream, work, love, fly and be there when you fall.

I love you Holdencito.
Mom

Holden Shows Off His Yoga Moves

Holden and I joined Heather Jones (fellow We Are Yoga instructor) and her daughters for a segment on FOX13 Sunday morning about the benefits of Yoga for the whole family. Check out his moves at FOX's website by clicking the hyperlink above.

Before the Camera's went live...

Down Doggies

Celebratory Poses Apres Our Big Debut

I think Holden KICKED ASANA! What do you think?