Tuesday, June 30, 2009

A Letter and Prayer from a Mom

Dear Buddy,

It's 2 am. I slipped away from laying you in bed with Daddy to pump real quick because you've been attached to me (literally) for the past few hours. It's dreadful (not you being attached to me, but); this morning you woke up sick.

I guess I knew eventually we'd have to go through this. I was just hoping since you've been taking breastmilk for nearly 5 months (happy b-day on Sunday) that you were pretty much invincible. But both sides of the extended family have been sick from cousins to grandparents; and so I suppose it was only a matter of time.

Fortunately it's not swine flu, or flu-flu, or anything that appears to be life threatening. But your father and I might die of broken hearts listening to your tiny cough and wheezing-sneezing. I feel so helpless. I don't know how to make it better. I feel like all I can do is hold you, and that isn't even enough.

I've never seen you sleep so restlessly.
I've never seen you so uncomfortable.
And I haven't felt like I let you down this much since the hospital.

The doctor said to it looked like you were "trying to catch a cold." It looks like you caught it...

Please forgive me for my missteps and fumbling as I try to figure out what to do for you. I don't mind being up with you. It just breaks my heart that you're having problems sleeping, and that you're not getting the rest you need.

You're just so small, and so sad right now.
Please help me find a way to make it better....

Mommy loves you,


Shauntel said...

Oh, I'm so sorry he's sick. I'm just dreading this (having a sick baby). I know your heart is just hurting. He'll get better soon. And I'll keep him in my prayers. :)

Melanie said...

That is sooo hard. Kale has such a hard time sleeping with a stuffy nose. I don't know if you have tried this or not but we put a pillow or something to raise his head and he sleeps much better. I know the whole pillow in the crib is scary so when he was that little we would prop up his crib mattress.

I hope he sleeps better and feels better soon!

Cicely said...

That was really sweet.

Erin said...

You are such a tender and precious mother. He will love looking back on this when he gets older-

I was so anxious when Jonah got sick for the first time. It makes you feel awful, doesn't it? Just remember that he's getting stronger and more resilient as he fights it and as absurd as it seems, it's good for him in the long run.

Hopefully it passes quickly. In the meantime, things that comforted Jonah when he was little was the humidifier, a propped up mattress (I'd just put some folded blankets under the head of his crib mattress), saline drops, and sometimes I'd stand in the bathroom with the shower on hot and the door closed and let him breath in the steam. Also, lots of extra nursing and cuddling. That part makes it not all bad.

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