Saturday, March 29, 2008

I'm a Liar and I have to come clean

So, I just spent about 30 minutes writing a post and deleted the whole thing.

It sufficeth to say that I have found a loop-hole in the no-bread, no dessert, no candy deal (again, I am NOT dieting). 
  • Pesto pasta!  I tore this UP yesterday at Oasis cafe... and they weren't even wheat noodles.  It was the first time I felt full since...well, Thursday, because I had
  • Mexican Food!  That's right... as proof that I am not dieting, I treated myself to chips and salsa... So while white flour in bread is apparently not good for me, for some reason, white flour/or corn with lard deep fried in more lard is apparently ok for me to eat... 
  • And just to top off going into the weekend in style, Danny and I hit Procupine Grill last night and had a 1/2 order of nachos... which is kind of crazy because a 1/2 order of Porcupine nachos is still the size of my head... well, needless to say, buy the time my "salad" came... because you, know, I'm eating "healthy"... well, I didn't even have room for the rabbit calories. 
But today is a new day... I'm still dessert and candy free... minus those 2 M&Ms that snuck into my trail mix this week.  That sounds like Cher from "Clueless"... "I feel like such a heifer.  I had two bowls of Special K, 3 pieces of turkey bacon, a handful of popcorn, 5 peanut butter M&Ms and like 3 pieces of licorice."

Except I only had 2 M&Ms and no licorice... so maybe I should reward myself with something cheery like nachos or pasta. ;)

PS. Danny and I saw "Drillbit Taylor" last night... don't waste your time, unless you want to accrue some "wife points." It would've been  a great 1 hr episode of "Freaks and Geeks"... oh wait, it was... and then they made a stupid movie were Owen Wilson tries to con a couple of dorks that I love and one that I wish would... well, I would say "spend more time in the locker the bullies put him in, in the first place."  But that would just make me like the bullies... which is part of the reason I didn't like this movie.  But the good news is, Danny said he'll watch Pride and Prejudice with me now... 

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

I wrote this on the plane Monday night...

So I'm walking onto the aircraft and the gentlemen in row 5 seat C is talking on the phone... Nothing new, I see businessmen, moms, teens, tweens, etc., yappin' away on mobile devices all of the time (well, teens and tweens are mostly txting, but that's another issue.)

The thing is, Mr. Big-shot 5C is going off on someone about "get me the numbers" and "send them over a-sap"....First of all, anytime someone says "get me the numbers a-sap" I want to laugh... No one in business really says this, do they?

Isn't that something middle management says to sound important?

I'm being judegemental; but it was really hard to take 5C seriously because:

A) he was in a baggy tank muscle tank with 150 extra lbs of fat (not that I'm one to point the finger as far as body mass index is concerned... if you missed my post on flenser's, keep reading below for past entries)

B) his upper body was entirely covered in tattoos (again, can I really point the finger when I've got a mark of shame on my lower left naval? For the record, yes I was young, yes I was stupid, yes I regret it, and no, President Hinckley hadn't given the official outright "no tatoo" speech... yet.)

C) 5C's head was shaved... Hey, bald is beautiful and all, but when you're sporting tats across the majority of your visable body, you look a lot more "neo-nazi" than clean shaven...

Anyway, it just made me think.... Hmmm, I'm really judgemental, and someone better get me the numbers on that project, stat!!!

ps. My sister is an American Idol fiend... She loves that David Archeltta kid (sp?) Anyway, I hate the show... everything except for Carrie Underwood's legs and the fact that Randy used to be in the band Journey (that's street cred, man). But the whole thing is a little too "1984" for me.

** Also day # "whatever" of low-carb-want-to-kill-myself-I-miss-my-bread-and-cookies-but-I'm-still-not dieting-continues... keep me in your prayers.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Low Carb = Low Energy (and other confessions)

Hey world, nice to see you again.  I'm going to have to go ahead and throw out there that this post is not going to edited until later because I am so friggin tired if I have to copy and paste this info from a word doc, those few seconds might lead to me falling asleep on this couch... and despite that my husband was snoring pretty bad last night (first time in weeks, actually)... well, I really do love sharing a bed with that man.

OK, so time for some confession, because I'm an edgy Mormon, not a catholic... so instead of confessing my sins to a priest, I just post them out to cyberspace.  (That is the nice thing about being LDS, you really only have to trouble clergy with the big things.) 

Here's my truths:
  • I am on day five of eating no bread - no desserts (somewhat low-carb, because I only eat pasta if it's a whole grain wheat variety... thank you Cassandra).  I thought I'd be thinner. Like I went shopping at Anthropologie (sp?) this afternoon for a dress for my date tomorrow night, and I seriously thought that the size-10 dresses I was trying on should've been entirely baggy... they weren't.  In fact, they fit fine. (PS. I still maintain I AM NOT DIETING.  This is more like a detox... I totally swore of diets for 2008. Maybe I should get back on "the secret"... I lost like 5 lbs doing that thing.)

  • One time I paid Village CLeaners $65 to do our washing... not our dry cleaning, just like 8 loads of laundry... they wash and fold it and charge you by the pound.  I have to be honest, it was one of the most bloody brilliant decisions I've ever made.  Like, if I'm ever in a crunch like that again (which I really shouldn't be since there are 2 washing machines and two dryers at our place), well, I will totally use them again... Great trick moms!!!

  • Also, I am at a portly 160 pounds.  Why do I share this?  Because at a 5'5' (ok, 5'6" if I round up to the nearest half inch), someone ought to hold me responsible for the fact that if I get into swimsuit in this condition when we head to Hawaii this summer, I can just see the mermen yelling"harpoon it!"  I don't need a plastic surgeon for a tummy tuck, I need a Flenser.
  • Speaking of fat chicks making out....Danny and I have "date night" scheduled for tomorrow... we're headed to Upstate Utah  for dinner and then we're staying at MooseHollow Condos.  Uber fab... While we haven't officially removed the protection from the goalie, I imagine we'll do some practicing for "procreate in 2008." I know we're already well into 1Q, but I think we've got plenty of time. 
Well, the darling husband has already made his way to bed, so I think I will join him.  I'm taking a "comp" day from work tomorrow -- you know since I worked a Saturday and all... so tomorrow is a glorious day of yoga, and then hair and makeup at the salon... tres chic... 

I am going to have them get me all dolled up like a mormon variety of Kim Kardasian (with shorter hair, and smaller boobs)... though I think we share a similar back side. ;)

Hopefully Danny and I will have some pics to post.


Friday, March 14, 2008

Greetings from San Diego (PRAISE FOR GARMIN GPS!!!)

Hello world... I'm writing from the lackluster (seriously NOT 4-diamond award winning) space that is the "Comfort Inn" in Old Town San Diego... although I am a huge fan of the Mexican food I ate last night, the fact that the hotel charges you $9.99 to watch YOUR OWN dvd of Pride and Prejudice is a little lame... (and our phone didn't work, nor our remote... and there's something wegged into the keys of this communal business center computer in the lobby... ick).

I will however, give them kudos for having toothpaste on hand for guests. I never buy those travel ones before hand (always forget); and I don't want to run the risk of "TSA" (thank you, President-Friggin-Bush) trying to confiscate my all natural variety... not worth it. So I usually have to purchase at an airport en route.

Soooo... I'm here for the women in aviation conference; because you know, I'm woman in aviation. Actually, I'm here as a recruiter for our airline -- so my day pretty much consists of standing on my feet for 4-6 hours straight telling people about the beauties of working for an industry where pretty much everyone is underpaid... but you know, if you like the pace, and the insanity... and the travel benefits (if you can ever get on a plane stand-by)... well, it's alright. My pitch is naturally a little different (I smile more.) ;)

The real reason for today's post, is to tell you about my new love... yes, Danny and I are still happily married... but for the longest time I've relied on him (and my father, before him) to be my navigational system (figuratively and literally, actually).

To me, "East" meant anywhere "up the mountain"... which, as you might imagine, created some real problems driving in the Avenues...

Danny was deciding between a Garmin unit for moi for Christmas or the divine Coach patchwork handbag that graces my arm pretty much everywhere I go (whether it matches my outfit or not). Mr. Mangum said, "You really need a GPS" I said, "I have one... you!"

But the Avis rental car guy didn't need to do much convincing on my part that this would be a blessing for only $13 a day to navigate the streets and freeways of "where california was born."

"You could go two miles in the wrong direction and end up across the border in Mexico without a passport..."

Nice scare tactics, I thought. But it totally worked because ANYONE that knows me, knows that numbers and directions are not my forte... they're not even in my vocab. Both completely foreign concepts, like balancing a checkbook or the word "budget." Ew.

Anyway, it was after dark when I arrived to begin my californication on Wed night. It was a long day -- I had started in Salt Lake at 5:20am with a flight to St.George at 7:10....

I spent the day in meetings at our Corporate offices and then hopped on another plane in SG that afternoon bound for LAX (delayed of course).... and once I got to LA; I had to catch (yet) another delayed flight to SAN. I think I finally got to my hotel around 9 and was ready to pass out by that time...

Sooo, driving in the dark with the GARMIN was a complete saving grace. As soon as that tax rebate from good ole' George Dub-ya comes, I am going to totally ge.... well, truth be told, I'm going to finish paying off Christmas; but then I am SERIOUSLY going to look at getting one of these little dandies.

Who needs sattelight radio when I've got a delicious computer telling me "Turn left at Congress Steeet" ... whoops there it went.. "Re-calculating"... "Turn left in 500 feet." Whoops, missed that one too... "Recalculating... Turn..."

Well, you get the idea...


PS. Helene (and anyone else interested) Yes, we are trying to purchase my grandma's house from my mom and her brothers. We're supposed to find out tomorrow if any of the other grandchildren want to make a bid on it... It's actually the space we're living in right now on the East Bench... see, "up the mountain equals "east" ... though we're in the basemetn apt. This way we'd own the whole space... with my parents as partners... and eventually move upstairs and rent the basement when my lil' sis and her husband and son move to Penn. for med school.)

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Wed Night...might as well.

I look so happy! This is from the engagment days... So, enough reflecting on the good ole days...I am officially “overweight.” My doctor said that normal BMI is like 20-25 or something… I’m 26.2 or something. She said it’s nothing to lose sleep over; but let’s face it, it’s definitely something to lose BLUBBER over!

My friend Ashley Anderson (she has a new last name, but I can’t remember it,); anyway, she used to call people “Fat Heads.” Well, I’m not so much worried about my head as I am my front-bum.

But operation, “Dumbo-drop-the-fat-ace” is now in full effect… Seriously, I had to buy designer fat-jeans from Smith’s Marketplace because I was muffin-topping so bad in both pairs of my True Religions that I feared my oxygen levels were seriously depleted, and I didn’t want my blood test to come back all freakish from lack of O2 to my brain… let’s be honest, I lose any more…well, I just really can’t afford to lose anymore (brain cells, obviously... I can afford to lose fat cells).

**I interrupt this post to bring you the Featured pictures of the night**
More from our "engagement pics back in '06"

**We return you to your regularly scheduled blog**

Some things I’m thinking about tonight from my grandma’s basement:

· I smelled the inside of one of my grandpa’s old “Kipling” hardback books. It smelled like the inside of the Eastwood Elementary school library. Beautiful.

· I remember when Mona, the Swedish foreign exchange student who lived with us in 1981 or so... well, I remember when we all lived in this house. She lived in the room Danny and I now call home. My grandparents were serving a mission in Crow Agency in Montana. Apparently my mom taught her to shave her armpits. Man, a little service goes a long way.

· My husband made fajitas tonight for dinner. They were good, but more importantly, how cool that I have a husband that will cook dinner, eh?

· Yes, I say I bought designer “fat jeans” from Smith’s. The thing is, they’re not really designer… I mean, they were “designed” by someone; but not anyone that would warrant disclosure to the masses.
See, I’ve tried on pretty much every brand of designer jeans you think of… Lindsay Elizabeth Morgan can attest to this… We were shopping at Nordies a few years ago, and the darling (size 2)sales lady had me try on 15-20 pairs of designer jeans… I finally bought a pair, but I have to say that they didn’t make my back side look any different than these $32.99 pair of “Delux” jeans complements of the Marketplace on 33rd south… And I can breathe in these; which is actually a concept I have not yet found in couture.

· I miss my grandma… I really hope we get to buy this place. I love it here. I love the area. I love being close to family.

Good night and good luck.

I'll end with a couple of videos of the Cinci trip...

This one is Tatum on her bike in her Cinci Apt.

Maxiburger at the Aquarium