Diaper-Free to be Me...

Before we get into the thick of it, can I just say that I love this girl. She has a delightfully awesome giggle when you eat the side of her ribs--in fact, sometimes she laughs so hard it sounds like she wants to explode... as if she's almost in pain from the joy. 

5 months and 3 weeks of Perfection

Her wrists look like they've been screwed on each morning because she's so chubby... and her legs and bum! Oh they are juicy and meaty and glorious -- as if she were the poster-child for breastfed wellness. 

I love it. 

I love her. 

Despite the kerfuffle a couple of weeks back with the whole TIME magazine cover and the AP mom feeding her 3 (almost 4) year old, I must say that we're rather enjoying the benefits of Attachment Parenting with our little Zoe-bug. The principles of breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby wearing and even EC-ing have been such a blessing in this house. 

Yes, I said EC-ing... we're back to trying out the Elimination Communication thing again. And like Mayim Bailik, Phd (better know as Blossom), I reaffirm what she writes in "Beyond the Sling" where she says: 

"I know EC is not for everyone. It's actually not for most people, and that's fine." 

But for us it has been a sort of odd joy and an easy solution to a problem many a parent has faced before: diaper rash. 

But first, a little background...

We started ECing Holden at six-months very part time for a variety of reasons:

• It's better for the environment (less disposable diapers=lest waste, less cloth diapers to wash =less resources used to clean them)
• To clean up less poop (a serious plus when you cloth diaper at home)
• More diaper-free time to prevent diaper rash 
• One more way to better connect with and listen to our child's needs (as I've mentioned on numerous occasions, breastfeeding did not "work out" for us, so he was bottle-fed expressed milk for his first year and EC seemed to be another way to bond and connect)
• To put into practice the basic belief that no-one (adult or child) should have to sit in their own crap 

Holden at approx 10 months old, doing his business

Of course, there was that hidden gem that spoke to my ego: apparently most ECers are diaper free between 18 - 24 months. Though all the books on the subject and advocates for the "movement" will repeatedly tell you EC is NOT about being potty trained early, and that one should detach from an outcome either positive or negative... but I would still cheer at 6 months (or later) when Holden would "go #2" in a toilet and secretly pat myself on the back, convinced the naysayers would see how awesome I was when my 18 mo old was toddling around in big boy pants!!!!

Except it didn't happen that way.

Holden was not diaper-free until a couple of weeks after his third birthday (and more times than not we'll stick him in a pull-up at night to avoid the risk of a night-time accident...though rare, it does still happen). After 2 1/2 years of "gentle-pottying" (another hippie-dippie term for EC) he really did just have to decide that he wanted to be finished wearing diapers... because no matter how many cool pairs of underoo's we bought him, he'd prefer to just get them out and look at them (not wear them, mind you) until he deicided.

So we didn't get the year (or-two) early diaper-free bonus I was hoping for (they warned me not to get attached). But I am still glad we did it -- for all the reasons listed above and then some. And that's why we're doing it with Z too. Even if we just get a few "catches" a day, it saves a diaper each time so I feel great about it... but even more so, it's been a necessity for her diaper rash... (and we've even learned about her nighttime "habits," if you will.) 

But back to the pragmatics: oddly enough, even though Zoë's pigmentation has a lot more olive tones in it that her brother, her skin is WAY more sensitive -- and as such, she's way more prone to diaper rash that her brother. I'm a firm believer in letting my kid's skin "breathe"... so I try to limit the use of barrier creams (especially ones with mineral oil -eek!)

This has meant letting her go diaper-free on a few nights -- ok five so far. And before you think I'm absolutely crazy (I prefer to just keep it at partially insane, right now), it's been a pretty tender experience. 

Yes, I said tender. 

Because I learned that when my daughter wakes up at night to nurse, it's actually because she needs to go to the bathroom. 

Seriously?!?

Seriously - the nursing is just an afterthought to get herself back to sleep. And so by listening to her:   she'd start making noises and move around in the bed a lot (and I knew she wasn't wet because of the whole diaper-free thing), I learned she just needed to drain her little bladder (like so many of us need to do at night), and then she'd sleep soundly... maybe a few minutes to nurse and she was out. 

So yes, I'm typing this, and I'm reading it... and logically, I know it sounds a little crazy. But it's worked for us, and it's worked for Zoë. In the interest of full disclosure, I will say that sleep even less soundly than my already-light-sleeper-status, when she's diaper free in bed. But you would too if you feared you'd get pee'd on at any moment. 

But thankfully, like I said, she gives plenty of fair warning. And as such, I'm happy to say, I haven't been showered in bed yet... 

Yes, I realized I just jinxed myself...she's in a diaper tonight, I can relax a little.

Here's to the journey.

I don't care about Mother's Day

Sounds a bit harsh, eh? Actually, I'm just being hyperbolic (which, oddly enough in my head, I just pronounced hyper-bawl-ic.). But the reason why I am not too concerned with tomorrow, is because as today--as a mother--my day was near perfection. (I'm happy to celebrate my mom and my mother-in-love tomorrow, but let the record show - I'm complete).

Holden and I had a baking day on Friday -- we were out of frozen cinnamon rolls, so this morning we got to nosh on fresh ones with ooey-gooey cream cheese frosting for breaksfast. (I think I've mentioned I make these at least once a month, and then freeze what we're not using and treat them like Rhoades.) With breakfast we had bacon, OJ with lots of pulp (just how I like it), and organic watermelon and strawberries Danny had picked up from our food co-op (Bountiful Baskets this time).

Danny had moved the lawn by the time Zoë woke up for the day at 9:45 (I know, dream baby right?) And we were out the door to Costco just after 10ish (love the WVC locale because even at 11am on a Saturday (after coupon mayhem has begun) it's not crowded... we bought more marigolds for the garden, superhero books for Holden, lots of butter, eggs and white flour (yes, white flour... at least it's milled locally). And a bunch of other things because how often can you really visit Costco without dropping at least $200.

Z fell asleep again in the car on the way home from errands and I spent the day in the kitchen while the boys installed my much anticipated drip-system for our front yard garden-boxes. LOVE LOVE LOVE. Holden loves being outside, and though I know things take longer with him around, Danny was a super sport about it -- and Holden was in heaven "helping" his Dad. (We only suffered a few causalities -- mostly just marigolds.... oh, that could be a cool band name "Mostly Marigold"... not quite riot grrrl, but definitely female infused indie-vibe.

I digress.

I was a maniac in the kitchen. Key Lime pie & Strawberry-Rhubarb crisp for dessert at my sisters tomorrow. Plus, I made just over 10 pints of strawberry freezer jam (I keep saying next time I make jam I'm going to use pectin because it's soooooo much faster, but then I go through this whole debate in my head about using the least amount of preservatives possible... and technically there's already pectin in the fruit... and so I end up cooking my jams for hours trying to let them boil down and gel. Which according to Mark Bittman happens at 224degrees; but my stuff spent over an hour at 200... then I gave up. It's a really rich dark red, almost like Smuckers... next time I'm just using pectin (and not cooking it...I SWEAR).

While Danny finished up the drip system and Zoë laid on a blanket outside practicing her "rolling," Holden and I worked more on his garden.  We gave him another little plot in the back yard... he picked four marigolds and placed them strategically (I've got to get a picture and show you), and then planted chives, squash,and basil. Somehow I read the package wrong on his squash, and where it said seeds inches apart in hills, I thought that meant the hills were four inches apart... instead of the 3 feet!!! So we've got basically a package of seeds in a 1'x1' square of soil. So awesome. I can't wait to see what happens. Last year he did something similar with the Zuchinni and we still got a few good veggies... I'm just loving the process.

In fact, I'm kind of digging the process of this while motherhood thing. So sure, celebrate me tomorrow, but today (the present) is a present indeed.

A Week Ago Today...

Zoë Suite Mangum

joined our family. (Yes, no hypen.)

21 hours of labor that lead to

8 pounds 6 ounces and 20 inches of perfection

Birth Story Details to come....

Baby on the Way

It's Tuesday morning and I've been up since before four. (This happens to me a few nights a week. Maybe it's practice for late-night/early-morning nursing?) Danny and Holden tucked me in last night at nine -- I had a bad case of 42 WEEKS PREGNANT!

Part of me is wondering how I've lasted this long. This morning my skin feels tight and puffy, like I've been on an international flight to Tokyo or something -- seated in coach.

I keep getting friendly texts: "Any baby yet?" or my favorite "How's your cervix?" (Favorable, as far as we can tell... thank you for asking.) I get the feeling I'm not the only person anxious for this kid to make their debut on the outside.

My sister said that when people ask her if I've had my baby yet, she responds "What baby? I don't even think she's pregnant -- she just got fat." But it does kind of feel that way. With the advances in modern medicine, who really waits this long outside of women living in Ghana and those crazy hippies that eat their own placenta after L&D?

But I guess I do. And as much as I was riding the "whoa-is-me misery pregnancy train" last night, I am honestly so thankful for this extra time for my body to get ready for tomorrow's 7:30 am induction (unless by some miracle Baby Z decides today is the big day).

Yesterday the hospital called and the poor guy on the other end said he was calling about my "surgery on Wednesday."

"Oh you've misunderstood," I corrected him. "I'm not have surgery. I'm having a baby." Talk about killing the messenger.

"I'm so sorry," he said. But I just kind of laughed and told him I was "planning on a physiological process (aided by induction.)" He kind of laughed too... possibly thinking "Maybe she doesn't need surgery....but just to be committed."

While I'd be lying if I didn't admit to being nervous about being induced -- I'm in a such a better place this time around. As far as we can tell, all indications are that my body is really preparing for a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). I won't go into details -- but my "Bishop's Score" is teetering between 8 & 9 which is a good indication induction will be successful (apparently it's also an indication one could go into labor at anytime, but hospital policy dictates induction at 42 weeks (and I feel like I'm already getting 42-weeks and 5 days since their going by the ultrasound instead of my last menstrual cycle). So yes, actually, that would make me just 2 days shy of 43 weeks... isn't that CRAZY?

I had a Non Stress Test yesterday... the baby looked perfect. Plenty of fluid still, heart rate normal, moving around and having the right number of 'accelerations." It was reassuring.

That said, a few last words for Baby Z in utero.

Hi Baby,

I am excited to meet you. You've been so busy in there. I feel you moving and communicating, and I hope you know you are already so loved. We have had so many scares with you -- it's kind of ironic that yesterday you passed your NST with flying colors. It was like all of the sudden you were telling us: "Hey, I'm fine... in fact I'm better than fine. I could stay in here a few more weeks."

But the truth is Z - we really want you to join us. (And not just because Mommy's getting a bit uncomfortable -- UNDERSTATEMENT). We know you're already a part of our family; and it feels like life is on hold until you get here. Yes, there's always plenty to do (I mean, yes, I could get another spray tan, or clean out some junk drawers, or take up knitting--scratch that last one)...but we need you here.

I can't fully describe it -- but now that it's so close for you to join us, it just seems like our family is missing someone.

I promise to love and cherish you.

I promise to protect you.

I promise to do everything I can to get you here smoothly... but you're going to have to cooperate too Baby Z. It's time to come.

I don't know how else to express that to you. I do believe we chose how we come into this world (your brother did not get the chance to hang out as long as you, obviously). I was younger and I thought I was prepared, and I did my best... but at the same time I feel like I failed him. But I know differently this time, Baby Z. I've tried so hard to balance the safest and best outcome for both of us... but we have to work together.

As your mother, and someone who loves and cares about you, already more than you already know, I am pleading with you to help me do this the best way possible tomorrow. Yes, I am scared. And I wish my faith was more powerful -- powerful enough to protect us both... and maybe it is. But I had to learn with your brother that I am not in control -- and I am still learning that lesson but I am trying.

Thank you for coming into our family. I am so excited to see you face to face. Hopefully it won't be too long...

Your loving mother

30 Days of Thanksgiving: (12/1/11): Still Pushing Along (but wish I was actually "pushing!")

I guess since I didn't get all 30 days accounted for in November, there's no harm in continuing into December, eh?

OK, the biggest thing that I am thankful for right now is that everything in the pregnancy has mellowed out; and Baby Z looks fine and all indications are healthy at this point. It's kind of crazy to think by my lunar cycle calculations I am 42 weeks tomorrow... that is a long time for being pregnant (in case you didn't know).

Thankfully, I've got a very involved Midwife, and the staff at the U is taking great care of me. As I've mentioned before, we're using the Early Ultrasound Dating as the due date for this baby; so by those calculations, December 7 is the cut off date for Baby Z to cook any longer (that would be the 42 week mark). I swear this kid is going to born with inch long fingernails... and who knows how big?!?!? Though truthfully I don't feel like I have a 9 or 10 pound baby inside me.

As far as gender, I've had two dreams it's a girl, but I'm still leaning towards a boy... I don't really know why. Maybe because 90% of the medical staff refers to Baby Z as a boy? Maybe because that's just what I know?

Anyway, here are some great things about Baby Z and this pregnancy:

• No longer posterior. Huzzah! One less thing to worry about.
• 80% effaced and dilated to a 2.
• Amniotic Fluid levels are normal -- still.

Funny thing about the fluid. There was so much worry with the Polyhydramnios and all the extra fluid; but I'm thinking it was just my body's way of preparing for a 10 month pregnancy. Anything measuring "5" and over is apparently considered normal fluid levels at this point, and I measured 11 today and 15 on Monday. With that kind of drop, I fear if I would've started out normal, I may have been too low by this point and most likely have been induced weeks ago (and probably ended up in the OR again).

So see, everything happens for a reason...

Which is why I'm practicing my patience (though it is soooo hard! I am so anxious and excited for this baby to get here! UGH!!!!) But I really want to give my body every chance with this labor and delivery... maybe this is too much information, but I got my membranes stripped today to see if my body was in fact ready and just needing a little help. Seemed a lot more 'natural' than pitocin. It felt like an appropriate decision. Hopefully something good comes from it.

As always, your prayers and positive energy are greatly appreciated.

Come on Baby Z... let's get an exit strategy going SOON!

Image from http://blog.tnsemployeeinsights.com/?cat=79

30 days of Thanksgiving: (11/28/11): Baby Z Update

OK, no baby -- yet...

But progress people!!! THat's what we've got. We are 70% effaced and at a 1.5 (OH YEAH! That's a whole half a point from last week...I'm surprised this baby just hasn't fallen out of me today.)

The non-stress test for this week looked fine (Baby Z passed!), and my amniotic fluid is normal...again. Huzzah.

I recognize I've been a little quiet lately, but the stomach flu hit our house with a vengeance. First Holden -- for 24 hours; then about 12 hours later....Danny. He took the 24 hour cycle, lost about 12 pounds and 12 hours following him I got my chance at greatness. (I can't think of a way to explain it without being vulgar or sharing details that may in fact pass on symptoms of the stomach flu directly to you.)

So let's just say my stomach was churning and heaving and convulsing and I lost 6 pounds over the weekend. I had high hopes the cramping in my stomach would start some contractions and send me into labor, and it definitely brought some on, but nothing stuck (including any Thanksgiving leftovers I had partaken in earlier on Friday for lunch.)

The good news was, I woke up Sunday morning without cankles and no longer feeling bloated. Totally awesome.

Who gets that kind of a gift in their pregnancy past 40 weeks? See, every cloud has a silver lining.

Image from http://olaabdolhai.blogspot.com

30 Days of Thanksgiving: (11/21/11): More Good News Baby Z

Embracing the Early Ultrasound due date of November 23rd, I approached my (almost) 40-week appointment with a little trepidation today. I still hadn't been 'checked' -- operating under the impression that no news was good news.

As you may recall, with Holden after my induction started and we had undergone about 18 hours of intervention, I was dilated to a 1.5 and still not effaced...so I really didn't want to hear that I wasn't progressing.

When the nurse asked if I wanted to be checked, I responded "not really"...but figured I'd leave it up to my midwife (Lisa).

"I think we should check you," Lisa said.

And guess what?

I'm 50% effaced and dilated to a ONE!

Now I recognize for some, that would be seriously sobering news. But for me, it was such welcome news I started crying and hugged my Midwife.To me, it said "Guess what Sabrena, your body IS capable of doing this. You're not broken. To top it all off, my NST and today's "mini-ultrasound" showed for nearly the 3rd week in a row my amniotic fluid levels are normal.

OK, sure Baby Z is still posterior, but I have every confidence in the world that Baby Z and my body will find a way to work that out too (the fact that I'm going to a Chiropractor for the "Webster Method" on Lisa's recommendation doesn't hurt, either).

Friends, you're prayers and positive energy is SERIOUSLY working.... keep it coming.

30 days of Thanksgiving: (11/15/11):Nesting

I'm not a huge fan of blogs that go on and on about homemaking accomplishments -- maybe just because I am jealous I'm not more productive most of the time. Problem is, if I am super 'productive' in home-making, it most likely means my child-making has suffered (i.e. Holden and PBS Kids have spent more than "quality time" together.)

But in my efforts to get things ready for Baby Z, I've been working on the following projects the last few weeks... crazy fanatical homemaker, or just normal "nesting"? Hmmm, you decide:

Canning:

• Bottled Plum jam totaling more than 22 cups of preserves
• Salsa, sweet and sour sauce, BBQ sauce and spaghetti sauce from more than 70 pounds of tomatoes, 25 pounds of onions and 25 lbs of apples (obviously the red delicious were not used for spaghetti sauce).
• Apple sauce bottled and frozen (ready for baby food!)

Apple and cherry pie from scratch, baked and frozen for Thanksgiving.

Veggie Lasagna and Chicken pot pie assembled... ready to thaw and bake (so I don't have to!)

Christmas presents purchased and wrapped (well, not all of them... but about 70% complete!)

Christmas card envelopes addressed, picture collages ordered and picked up, letter written: just waiting to be stuffed and mailed.

Four IKEA drapes hemmed (that means a sewing machine wasn't involved...but way to much bending over was.) Still have four more to go, but not really sure if my lower back can take on the rest of this project.

A Gallon of home-made granola so we have some cereal in this house (man, someday I really wish I just bought a box of Frosted Flakes and called it good!)

Six dozen "Monster Toot-ies" for the nurses, doula/s, midwife/s and hospital staff for labor (Holden has named our signature oatmeal, chocolate chip-sometimes featuring coconut- cookies Monster Cookies). I'm thinking some carrot sticks and hummus would be a delightful addition.

OK, so enough of the list... Baby Z, this is what we've done instead of repainting a nursery or remodeling a kitchen. I feel like this is a much better deal.

30 Days of Thanksgiving: (11/14/11): good news!

Today I am so thankful for good news!

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night literally thinking Baby Z had just dropped...I could no longer feel him (her?) under my rib cage. I tried not to get too excited about it...but my Midwife verified today that the baby did appear to be lower.

She also mentioned that I looked smaller.... that my belly didn't looks as big, and when she measured I was back down to 37 weeks which made her think my amniotic fluid levels might have gone down (maybe to normal?!?!?)

I was also informed that Baby Z is currently posterior, but she gave me some things to do to get the baby in the right position (pretty much yoga poses so it's not going to be that big of a deal for me)... so I am not real worried about that piece. (I mean considering the things we've had to worry about, that's nothing!!!

After my midwife appointment I had another NST scheduled (Non-stress test) and they checked my fluid levels and for the first time in months I was measuring.....NORMAL!!!!! YEY! And Baby Z had plenty of movement... the nurse said Baby looks great. I am so happy to have some good news and see some 'progress.'

Not that it's up to me, but Saturday would be a really great day to have this baby: My doula just got called to jury duty until Thursday and my Midwife is already on-call Saturday... so I figure not only does that work best with their schedules, but it gives me time to finish getting Holiday Cards addressed & mailed, get a pedi (seriously, maybe a spray-tan? I mean, "if you can't tone it, tan it")... watch the Utes play (labor through the game), check into the hospital that evening and amongst lavender scented oil and Indian Chanting music in the background, let Baby Z fall out of me in a beautiful peaceful/orgasmic birth.

Don't you think that sounds perfect? yeah, me too... let's go with that game plan. :)

30 Days of Thanksgiving: (11/12/11):The Blessingway

Today was an amazingly spiritual day...and not just because the Utes chalked up their third Pac-12 win.

I was given an amazing gift today -- a BlessingWay for me and Baby Z by my dear friend Hot Courtney. (You may remember her from posts such as Bounce House Demise or mentions in "Intro to Pole" and "Starts with Baseball, Ends with Alpaca.") Courtney is a fun, spiritual and uplifting woman who I am so blessed to have as a friend. After attending a BlessingWay for a friend, she offered to host one for me, and I couldn't be more grateful.

So just as background, Blessingways come in many forms... my understanding is that they originate from the Navajo culture and have been adapted over years.

An awesome quote from Birthbeads.com:

"It is a very positive ritual, affirming that a woman will have a natural and beautiful birth experience. The ceremony marks a woman's rite of passage. It is a ceremony of empowerment near the time of birthing. Within a circle of friends in a quiet, gentle, spiritual ceremony, those attending will celebrate sisterhood, welcome a new baby to earth and honor mother, birth life and rebirth."

There are many different rituals/experiences/etc that can be used for a Blessingway - from changing the mother to be's hair, to feet washing (or pedicures), chanting, painting henna on mom's belly, etc.

We opted for a Bead/Necklace ceremony.

Courtney had brought a beautiful quote about motherhood and divinity, and then told everyone to share about why they brought their bead and share any positive thoughts about natural childbirth/positive wishes they had for me in my birthing adventure.

We started with me sharing my feelings about Natural Childbirth and why I had chosen this path... and I totally got all emotional talking about my wishes for Holden's birth, and how it didn't work out exactly how I wanted... but that this is something I had desired for as long as I could remember; even before I was old enough to know what an epidural even was.

And then we went around the room and these amazing women -- awesome friends and family members of mine -- took time to share with me their souls as well. I felt so loved and supported. Everyone one should get the opportunity to hear such positive things and feel so adored. It was like I had been Eulogized, but instead of listening in on my own Funeral, we were celebrating a new life joining us.

It was so intimate and spiritual that I almost feel protective of the experience. Like I ought not just throw it out to the blogosphere (I know, this coming from the girl who blogs about sex with her husband....but I guess even I have my limits.)

So now I have this awesome necklace with these charms and beads that I can wear at and during labor to remind me of the strength of women in my life... to remember how supported I am and that they believe in me and that I can do it.

I really feel like the Lord's hand is in this birth -- and yes, I can spew the Sunday School answer that "His hand is in everything." But whereas I may not feel as connected to Baby Z as I did with Holden in utero, I feel like I have more faith in God for this birth experience and His will.

I know that will make the difference -- wherever it leads us. I have such peace about Birth Experience. And while I am continually trying to let go of expectations, I feel so much more open to possibilities and experience this time around.

Thank you to Courtney and these amazing women for helping me understand that today.

30 days of Thanksgiving: (11/8/11): Validation

So last night we met with our doula(s)* for (what appears to be) the last time before labor. I'm feeling much more calm about this experience. i explained to Emily (our main doula) that I was surprised that I hadn't actually typed up my birthplan as this time with Holden it was about six pages that I was trying to reduce to a single front sided sheet of paper (how's font 8 sound?)

She said that it could just be 2nd child syndrome; but also that I have more faith in my providers...which I think makes sense. So much of what I outlined in my birthplan last time, is just standard practice for the Nurse Midwives at the U (I plan on delivering at the University of Utah hospital if I don't 'accidentally' just give birth in my bathtub at home.)

And I certainly could go on and on about all the things I am thankful for when it comes to the quality of care I've received up there...but what I think I'm really thankful for, is that this time I feel like no matter what happens I will feel more validated in my birth experience.

After Holden was born (via cesarean), I had a lot of guilt, frustration and depression about my birth experience. To try and console me --or just help me snap out of my post-partum funk-- many loved ones would counter with the phrase "All that matters is that you have a healthy baby," (and some would add 'healthy mama.') But I have come to realize that isn't ALL that matters. A woman's birth experience does matter...how she brings her child into this world matters a lot -- and for some more than others.

Yes, of course I'm thrilled that Holden was ok, and I was ok... but that didn't stop me from feeling what I did...and then I had to add guilt to it, trying to figure out why I was so upset when I had a beautiful baby to celebrate.

This time, it will be different... and not necessarily because I'm going to have my fairy-tale natural birth. That may or may not happen.

I may or may not even have a vaginal birth... but I'll be better prepared for any scenario; and know that I've done everything I can to make the best possible scenario for me and my baby...and if a c-section really is in the cards: with health care providers letting me hang on that full 42 weeks, with two doulas and the like, if it comes to that I'll know that this time my birth wasn't high-jacked by the medical community... it just wasn't meant to be.

And that my friends, is called validation...and I imagine that birth experience comes with a lot more peace when you get 'healthy baby, healthy mama.'

*We've had two back up doulas on this journey because the original gal we wanted is in nursing school to be a Nurse Midwife, and was afraid her schedule wouldn't permit her attending our birth. But now it looks like we'll just have both gals for the big reveal! Huzzah.

Image from Ask Liza

30 days of Thanksgiving: (11/2/11) Baby Z the Enigma

I am thankful for you, Baby Z. Even though I really don't know what you are... I mean we've ruled out UFO artificial insemination and whatnot, but your gender continues to elude me. People often ask what I want: girl or boy? I respond "yes."

I may have mentioned before that it would seem a little easier if you were a boy -- because we've got all that Boy stuff already: clothes, toys, baking stuff. But we can't decide on a middle name AND I am not looking forward to the whole circumcision debate again: both sides seem to be a lose-lose to me. So Zeke, I hope when you're older and you read this, you'll forgive me talking about your 'special parts' to the world.

That said, maybe we won't even have to worry about the c-word. Because maybe you are a Zoe. And if that's the case your name is easy: Zoe Suite Mangum (yes, with out the hyphen... but isn't it cool our names will sound the same? I never had a middle name, so my hyphen is the closest thing I've got... though some would say just taking Suite as my middle name would've solved that whole problem anyway. But that would've been too easy on my marriage.) I digress.

If you are a girl, we'll probably need to get one of those kid-kitchens to go with all of Holden's baking stuff...and you'll definitely need some clothes...it will be fun to shop for you, though I'm pretty sure we'll need more disposable income in this house: I often joke with your father that we are not wealthy enough to have a girl at this stage in our relationship because I have seen what's out there for wardrobe options with girls, and it's scary how much money I could spend.

I am excited for you to get here. Due date ranges from the 18th to the 23rd depending on which model you chose: and you're measuring big from what the ultrasound says, and I'm already measuring 39-40 weeks (at 37-plus weeks)...and with the extra fluid, it seems there are a few indicators that you may be coming sooner than later... though it seemed your brother would've stayed in utero for another month if the doctors would've let him.

You're still so high up, it's really unbelievable. I've got such a short amount of time left and I have yet to use one of those belly-belt things that I swore I used with your brother 6 months in: trade-offs, eh?

What can I say except that I am excited to meet you. I'm glad you're already a part of our family, and we're all looking forward to you being here... though I keep reminding myself babies are much easy to care of inside the womb than out of it, but hopefully this time I'll remind myself to enjoy it, instead of being worried I'm doing everything wrong.

An Open Letter to Baby Z (34 weeks & change)

So here I am, trying to get caught up on what exactly has been going on with this pregnancy. I was so much better about it with Holden…but things are just different this time. That said, you know how sometimes you blog to document but it’s more for yourself than the blogosphere? Yes, this is one of those occasions. I feel like I should be apologizing for the length of this post, but again, it's really more for me than for you…though as always, you are welcome to partake.

October 3, 2011 at 32 weeks+5 days and obviously counting.

This baby has obviously not "dropped" yet.

Dear Baby Z,

I know I haven’t spent a lot of time documenting your awesome adventures, but the truth is, I feel like we’ve needed to be a little private about you.

Thanks to absurd amounts of technology, the medical community can now scare a mother into thinking hers is a high risk pregnancy without anything ever really being wrong!

I think you know the gist of it, but just to fill you in on a few of the details since you probably won’t remember:

Early in the pregnancy our caregivers were concerned I might have placenta acreta. Yes, super rare…but it is a condition where the placenta is low lying and attaches to the cesarean scar…complications usually range from blood transfusion to DNC or hysterectomy depending on level of severity, regardless of how the baby is delivered. Months ago they shared this bad news with us and so we played the waiting game – “Will it be attached?” “Will it not?” Is mommy going to lose more blood than having her arm ripped off like Grendel from Beowolf? (I was actually informed this can be the case as there is so much blood concentrated in the area, and scar tissue, unlike uterine wall tissue does not contract and close off, in essence).

With a few exceptions, we basically kept this concern on the down-low until we had more information from the follow-up ultrasound (we didn’t want to alarm anyone until we had a better idea of what we were up against).

Ah, were my hopes and dreams for a physiological birth thwarted again? Not necessarily… Baby’s delivery still appeared to be fine, and I was still a candidate for VBAC. It was the afterbirth that was the problem (how exactly does it detach?). The recommendation was that if it was attached that I still try for a vaginal birth, but get an epidural because I’d need to be medicated for an emergency procedure in the OR…and if I wasn’t medicated that meant being knocked out for the procedure and thus, seriously delayed bonding time for baby. (Obviously if it’s between au natural and bonding, I’m going with bonding...feel like I totally got robbed on that one with Holden, and I didn't even have to be put under for my cesarean.)

Thankfully, we we’re thrilled to discover that our prayers had been answered and the placenta was not attached to scar tissue! Huzzah…looks like everything is turning up Sabrena, right?

Well they just couldn’t leave it at that. While the placenta attached where my c-section scar ended, the ultrasound had revealed that I had now been diagnosed with “Polyhydramnios” -- which is a fancy word for “too much amniotic fluid.”

What’s the big deal about that? I mean, usually people don’t have enough fluid – that’s the concern. Apparently I’m just so good at pregnancy that my body’s producing extra fluid to cushion your kicks, squirms and hiccups even more, right?

Well, not exactly….

Turns out the condition can lead to complications from uterine rupture to premature birth or stillbirth. The cause of the condition is unknown – apparently some women just have more fluid, sometimes it’s caused from a birth defect in the baby or diabetes in the mother. But neither of those seem to be a likely cause (I was actually showing low in my glucose test, and from all these ultrasounds all your parts (heart, lungs, kidneys) seem to be functioning well Z, so we’re not really leaning towards a genetic birth defect.)

The truth is, yes, my levels are still high, but you look healthy – I feel you moving a ton, and you’re developing right on schedule...

We’re getting Non-Stress-Tests (NST) weekly to make sure you’re ok. And even though I feel you moving a lot, you still managed to change positions so much at last Friday’s appointment that in 45 minutes you weren’t hitting their ‘marks’ – thus qualifying us for yet another ultrasound and discussions about being admitted to the hospital for overnight monitoring.

Me to Darling Ultrasound Tech: “Admitted? What do you mean admitted?”

D.U.T: “Well, admit you to the hospital for overnight monitoring.”

Me: “What?!?!”

See, I figured I was going in for a routine 20 minute NST, and nearly three hours later they were talking about possibilities of an overnight stay if you didn’t show them you could practice your breathing for 30 seconds.

Although you pretty much waited until the very last few minutes of our half-an-hour window, we passed! Not sure what that says about you, but better cooperation next time would be greatly appreciated from your mother, her nerves and crazed-hormonal-pregnancy-emotions.

Your father, always the tender heart, had made his way to the hospital and surprised me at the ultrasound. It was one of those times I didn’t want to need him, but I was so glad her was there. It’s amazing the power that comes from having your hand held by your best friend. (Remember this when you find the love of your life).

So I guess I’m done “bragging” about my easy pregnancies. The truth is, I don’t get bad morning sickness…I don’t really throw up. I don’t need fluids, and I can remain pretty active throughout my entire pregnancy. But everyone has their own cross to bear when it comes to conception, pregnancy, labor and delivery. I'm learning it doesn't mean it's easy/easier...it's just different. At one time I figured we'd have a 5 or 6 person family; emotionally, I think you may be our cut off point, Z. Mommy's had a difficult time dealing with the "what if's," and it's been no picnic for Dad either.

But yes, still hoping for a physiological birth with you - no meds, no O.R. and no complications would be ideal, but as I learned with your brother, my wants are not always reality. Our main goal - healthy baby, healthy mama.

I love you Baby Z. Hope to see you in about six weeks.

On being pregnant...

So I don't really get those people that say "I love being pregnant." I know there's not a lot of them out there, but there are definitely some. What I don't get is what you love about it?

Me, a month ago celebrating 5yrs with Danny in my Buddah Belly shirt...

that "T is working a lot harder these days.

I mean, yes, I love the extra attention.

And there's the fact that people seem to be a little kinder and gentler with a pregnant woman.

For the most part that I give myself permission to eat dessert anytime I want, because my belly is already rapidly expanding and I have now learned I can in fact lose my "baby-weight"... all it takes is training for and running a marathon. Ha!

But I don't really get the LOVE.

Don't hate me, but I'm just going to throw out there that I have really easy pregnancies. I have yet to puke this round, have hardly had any morning sickness and although I was tired, I still managed to fit in twp triathlons and Ragnar....like I said, I've got it pretty easy.

At the IronGirl tri in Vegas with a sign made by my guy-

I'm just shy of 12 weeks here (I think).

But that wet suit wouldn't be flattering even if I was 0 weeks

Yes, I've had a bit of back pain this time around (could be the 36 pound toddler I lift way too much); but nothing so painful or sickness so bad I'd write home about it... or blog about it. (Wait, see what I just did there? I said it wasn't so bad that I'd blog about it, but I totally did blog about it. It'a like I'm complaining without you even knowing I'm complainig...except now you do because I just told you.)

So the moral of the story: well there really isn't one.

I've got just three months left (yes, it's gone fast for me too), and I figure I ought to do something to start connecting with this baby. Perhaps it's because I had some special experiences with Holden in utero (I swear I heard the kid talking to me even before I saw the ultrasound, so I knew he was a boy before the picture-pages tech did). And sine I knew the sex, I knew the name (at the time the ONLY boy name Danny and I could agree on)... so I could already refer to him as a person.

But with this little one, since we're not finding out the gender until game day... and s/he hasn't had any solid communication with me (outside the kicks and hiccups), it feels different. At first, I referred to Baby Mangum as 'he'... I think it was more habit out of calling Holden he while I was pregnant.

But just a couple of weeks ago, Danny and I finally decided on a girls name we both really liked (we've decided not to mention it to anyone because people have the strangest habit of telling you if they don't like your baby name, or they'll say things like "Oh you can't name your baby that" ... which does nothing but make things awkward down the road, and if you do in fact name your kiddo that, you'll always remember that at one time or another they didn't approve of your kid's name.)

But once a kid is named, you'd be hard pressed to find someone who would say "You can't name your baby that" because you already have. They may say "that's an interesting name" or "I've never heard of that before" or "We had a dog named {insert name here}"... but who is going to tell you that's a horrible idea once you've actually named the thing?

(I'm off topic).

Anyway, the point is, now that we found/agreed on a girl's name (we've already decided Zeke for a boy, and no I don't really care if you like it or not)... all of the sudden I felt like I knew who this baby was. And SHE seemed a lot more real to me. And I imagined her with dark brown curls, olive skin, brown eyes and a charming disposition -- kind of like Holden except that they would look nothing alike and she would showcase some of my gene pool.

Holden sporting his official sumer wear...

complete with (chemical-free) SPF 30-everywhere just

to keep him a nice shade of vanilla.

And it's not that I really feel a feminine energy in me or anything -- I can't really tell. Which I am basically chalking up to the fact that I really have no idea if the baby is a girl or a boy, but I do hope she's ready to join the madness that is our home life.

So Baby "Z" (that's what we'll go with until we know you a little better), here are a few things to think about before you make your grand appearance:

• Your brother is a great kid. He's got a lot of energy. he loves to use the phrase "Fight Bad Guys". I keep telling him we fight corporate greed and world hunger (not each other), but he still insists on trying to recreate action sequences from Kung Fu Panda. May the force be with you...
• Sometimes he sticks his lovies on my stomach and says "Baby so happy"... I think he's willing to share his toys with you, but he also asked me earlier this week if you have toys and specifically a Fire Engine (which he calls "Gi-eye-ahs" for some strange reason).
• Don't think that just because there is no crib in our house that you don't have a place to sleep. It's just not really our thing. If you want a crib we can get one, but your brother roomed in with us for so long, and then transitioned to a mattress on the floor once he could crawl, that it never really made sense.
• We travel - a lot. Whether we're talking about weekend jaunts to Eden or St. George, being swanky in Sun Valley, our every-other-year escapades in Hawaii or a yearly Disney adventure, we like to get out and play. So it would really work out best for everyone involved if you were ok with being mobile ...and being a great nurser would also be a plus (memories of pumping on the bathroom floor of Delta's Crown Room make me REALLY hopeful you're more of a boob-man, or gal, than your brother.)
• Your Mom is kind of a freak. I wish I could tell you that you'll be that kid who has the cool parents growing up (which may be the case for your Dad), but your mom is weird. She has all these crazy ideas about mothering, and mother earth, and breast milk, co-sleeping, potty-learning and cleaning products... You might be the weird kid, or just the cool kid with a weird Mom... but we do CRAZY FUN things (like for instance, Skydiving as a toddler). But she's just a bit off the beaten path.
Holden, all suited up for his big flight.

Welcome to the family Little Z.

Barefoot & Pregnant: My IronGirl Details

Yep, that's right people. Turns out over the past three months-- that have included a raw food week, two triathlons AND pole dancing lesson-- I have also been growing a little person inside of me. Huzzah!

I'm just past the 12 week mark, so of course it's time to share the news with the blogosphere.

That said, I hope you understand a little more fully why my tri-training kind of went to pot last month. I finished the SHAC triathlon with a renewed sense of determination, getting a little taste of what this body could be capable of...and then that blessed first trimester exhaustion hit me, and my ever so familiar aversion to the nauseating scent of fried chicken. Once that happened, I realized it was time to find out if my (as they say in Juno) "Eggo's prego."

OK, so recap on the race (if you're interested):

800 m swim (17 minutes, 1 second): Super crazy turbulent waters. And we started pretty far in the back of the pack so by the time I got in the water I felt like a fish in a koi pond feeding. Swimming in open water is NOTHING like swimming in a pool. Form flies out the door to keep your bearings because you literally cannot see in front of you.

Transition 1: (6 minutes 7 seconds.) I should've practiced getting that wet suit off before race day... it was pretty comical. And yes, I kick it old school style started the bike in my swimsuit (no bike/tri shorts) and some vibrams. A piece of work I am.

14ish-mile Bike: (57 min 39 seconds): Yes, I'm disappointed in my performance here. But it's my fault. My chain fell off in the first 1/2 mile, and while I'm sure they had support teams all along the way, I think the race staff figured we could at least managed the first mile on our own. I was shifting on the uphill, and apparently my 'components' were off a little bit anyway... (And one would probably learn this if they had actually ridden their bike outdoors.) So failure to plan, is a plan to fail - eh? I had to stop twice (once to 'fix' it, and another because it never sounded quite right until around mile seven,) and even then I was somewhat limited to what gears I even dared use. I think it probably cost me about seven minutes... (frown and a huffy breath, here).

Transition 2 (1 min 55 secs): Dump the bike, grab some water and head out... don't even need to change shoes with the Five Fingers. Oh and I put on a running skirt, because as fabulous as my wobbly bits are, I didn't think Vegas was ready for my jelly....

5k Run (31:26): It didn't take long to realize that shoes would've been nice for the run. I was thinking it was 'trail running,' which is fine with the Vibrams. But a construction zone that is all rocks the size of my big toe and larger? Not really ideal for a newbie 'minimalist' (aka wannabe barefoot) runner like me. I felt like I had to be pretty careful about where I was stepping and I think that affected my pace a bit. I was hoping to be about 3 minutes faster on the run too...

So that takes me about 10 minutes off what I was hoping for. But Danny said I need to "stop being so 'effing' competitive" (no seriously, those were his words when I kept replaying my perceived failure to him, over, and over, and over again). And I didn't get much training in... e

So final time: 1:54:08

Looking back I'm actually pretty stoked to be under two hours... especially pregnant, right?

Speaking of this poor, blessed fetus in my belly... what I've already put the kid through!

Hey welcome to Suite-Mangum madness little one. This is just a sampling of what's to come for you!!!!

The BREAST Kind of Protest

So it's no secret that I heart boobs (no wait, that's my husband.) But I heart breastfeeding...

Not that Holden and I were any good at it. We tried and tried and cried and cried and tried some more. I've mentioned on numerous occasions that even with lactation consultants (yes, that's plural), LeLeche League meetings, nurses, doctors, nipple shields, SNS system and everything short of trying a wet nurse, Holden and I gave it our best shot BUT he refused to latch completely at four months. As such, I was left to pump for the remainder (and a little beyond) his first year of life. Granted, my milk production levels were a bit 'abnormal.' I was producing so much milk Winder Farms was worried I'd start my own dairy operation.

But pumping is not my favorite thing.

Of course I would've preferred to nurse him...in the home, on the phone, at the store or on the floor. I would've preferred to nurse him here or there or anywhere...Instead, I was pumping on airplanes, in lavatories, in the the handicapped stall of Delta's Crown Room, at church, once of the floor of a Massage Envy shop after a flat tire, and the list goes on, and on, and on.

That's why it makes me sad when things like this happen:

"On January 30, Norika Aita was nursing her 11-month-old daughter, Elaine, on a bench near an escalator in the [Hirshhorn Smithsonian] museum when a security guard told her to move to a restroom to breastfeed. When Aita found no seat other than a toilet in the restroom, she returned to sit on another bench and resumed nursing. Another security guard then approached her and said, 'Mom, you cannot do that.'"

Obviously these security guards didn't know about the governments Right to Breastfeed act.

When Holden was nursing, he refused to latch if there was anything covering his face -- blanket, hooter hider (you get the point). I couldn't 'cover up' or my son wouldn't latch. So I guess to keep people from feeling uncomfortable, I was just supposed to let my kid starve...no wait, whip out a bottle because that wasn't weird? Except it is...if you really think about it. Nursing is one of the most natural things a mother can do for her child (granted, it wasn't easy for us, but it's still natural).

Plastic nipples, pumps, glass and bottles... they're about as un-natural as you can come by for feeding a baby. And before you think I'm passing judgement, let me remind you I've been there -- I get it. It's not available for everyone. Those 'un-natural' things made it possible for me to feed my child.

But that's not my point. My point is tolerance for those who are nursing.

We live in a pretty jacked up society... where women can parade around scantily clad with hardly anything on top, or wear swimsuits that may only cover a small portion of their bosoms; and their bodies (for the most part) are celebrated. (If you don't believe me, just look at any summer issue of US Weekly.) But a mother sits on bench to feed her child how-nature-intended and people start to squirm.

Bless you Western Civilization... but this is not progress by my standards.

Fortunately, the story from the museum has a positive outcome. Volunteers, boob-activists and the museum all got together for a nurse-in (yes, it's how you imagine, minus the signs that say "Save the Ta-Ta's"):

"The tone of the nurse-in was celebratory and communal, with mothers, fathers, babies and children of all ages happily chatting, nursing, and enjoying the art. Museum staffers were supportive and enthusiastic about drawing such a crowd. 'We’re glad you’re here,' beamed Hirshhorn Director of Administration and Finance Anthony (Chris) Walloo, who is expecting his first child in April and chatted with mothers about the best options for baby carriers."

Art and breasts? Sounds like there was a little something for everyone.

You can check out the full story on Mothering.com HERE.

The Theme! (and intentions)

Happy New Year all!

This is a two fold post - first, it serves to get all that resolution crap out of the way. But second, and more importantly, I'm announcing the THEME for 2011! (Can you stand it!)

OK, here's the deal. I'm don't want to make any resolutions this year (they sound so 'U.N. peacekeeping Mission' to me, eh?) Some years I make them (not Un Peace Keeping Resolutions, but just resolutions), and some years I don't...

But I definitely have a "To Do" list.

This year I'd like to:

• Make my own cheese (even just once)
• Get a 'real' blog and a grown up website
• Do the splits
• Dry tomatoes
• Plant and harvest potatoes & corn (and a bunch of other stuff; but I didn't do these last time)
• (Take a more active role?)/ Better support Holden in becoming an EC graduate and Diaper Free!
• Paint our bedroom "Still Moment" by FreshAire
• Bottle so many cans of Spaghetti sauce/tomatoes that canned tomato sauce will be rendered useless to me
• Get a pedicure (at least) quarterly

Moving on:

I like how in a lot of Yoga classes (and I often do this with my students), the instructor will invite you to 'set an intention'. The first time I heard this, I thought "Oh, set a goal." And as if the teacher had read my mind, she said "This is not a goal" and something about the interconnectedness of everything and how setting the intention makes it already realized (which sounds a lot like THE SECRET to me, but I dig it.)

And this year's intentions:

• Be kinder to my husband, and more patient with my child
• Eat consciously for a more sustainable planet
• (a subset of the last bullet point, but a key) Eat animals that have had happy lives (call it wild, free range, or whatever you please. It's more than 'organic'... it's about sustainability and consciousness. Besides, I'm usually a vegetarian in the summer anyway
• Run, Run, Run
• Yoga a go-go
• Make a Baby

Which leads me to the year's theme (and thanks to everyone who submitted ideas):

BABY MAKIN'S HEAVEN IN 2011!

Randoms, because I can

Short form:

• I'm trying on Bikram, aka HOT YOGA, for size. It's a 4 and I'm a 8. But I like it.
• My hair is getting so long when I tilt my head back it's past my waistline - it needs to be trimmed.
• It's time to have another baby, but I haven't come up with a catchy theme like Holden's conception mantra: "Procreate in 2008" ...so I'm not entirely sure how to go about it... well, that's not completely true. I guess I have a bit of an idea...
• Holden is a person. A real live boy. (Yes Ash, it is time for another update-coming soon!) For now I will just say he's amazingly good at minding for a 20-month old; I need to remember that. And he also looks fabulous is argyle sweater vests.
• Yes, I've started to let him watch TV. (Well mostly just 'How to Train Your Dragon' because I've been sick and my parents gave us the movie. It's about the only 'kids show' we have. Too violent? Well he walks around the house saying "Roar?"which seems to mean"More Dragon Show please Mom?")
• I have only run two times since the marathon (a 4 miler in Sun Valley one week after my 26.2 and a the Pink Half Marathon in Park City just over a week ago.) My right-bigtoe(nail) has still not recovered. I read somewhere to take 2-4 weeks off of running after a marathon. But it still feels weird.
• I got a little tickle in my throat on Day 2 of Bikram Yoga. I assumed it was the MASSIVE DETOX happening from exercising in a room that's kept at more than 100-degrees and 40% humidity. But there was a blockage in my 5th Chakra (throat) from Not Speaking my Truth, and so I ended up with a sore throat/cold.
• You may be wondering if you should take my last comment seriously; but then again, if you really know me, you know I'm entirely serious...go ahead, laugh now. It's only fair.

The Randoms are Back

Grand Old Party

Holden turns 1 on February 1st. We are having an 'Elephant' themed party in honor of his favorite Hindu God - Ganesh.Holden Eating his favorite Ganesh Toy

Ganesh (a more easily recognized photo... also Holden is not eating his face.)

I sent out a few invitations to family and a couple of friends. Our friends (who happen to live in our basement and listen to Glen Beck) asked if we were having a Republican themed party. Guess the jokes on me, but I don't even know if there is an Indiana God that's a donkey... and if so, Holden definitely does not own any toys of said variety.

Plastic Guns
I remember a quote by Andy Warhol where he talked about how if you really love something, you want to be it. "...I love plastic. I want to be plastic," he said. Last week one of our dinner guests said "I love guns." (Awkward silence for humanity.)

Kim K
I hate that I like Kim Kardashian. I think it's because she's all curvy and dark...and because I secretly wished that my curves looked more like her curves instead of Grimace. It was reported that Reggie Bush (her beau) said he would propose if the Saints won the Superbowl. I do love Peyton Manning, as he was starting his career with the Colts when I was living in Indiana, but I'll have to go with the Saints this year. (If this sports-speak doesn't make sense to you, ask your husband...if you're my sister Cicely, ask my husband...because hers will be of no help. Also, Danny just looked over my shoulder and informed the engagement thing has no more merit.)

"I was running"
So I ran a 5 k this weekend in St George. At the starting line, I looked at Danny and said, "I kind of wish I would've trained."

I am having problems walking today. I am out of shape (obviously), but I plodded the whole 3.2 miles. FYI: Plodding is like jogging, but you can get passed by people speedwalking... or just walking, period... so I'm not really comfortable calling it running. Though if you filmed me, and watched it on fast forward, it might resemble something like running. I was just celebrating because I'm finally at a point where I don't have to ace bandage my stomach and chest to do aerobic activity.

Pump It, Pump It... Pum, Pump It Up!
The countdown is on. Seven more days and I ditch the Medela. If Holden was still 'latching,' I'd let him lead the weaning process. But he completely quit that at four moths...so I am looking forward to not being a Jersey Cow anymore. Hail Bessie the KJQ milkbeast.

In the Interest of Full Disclosure
Danny said it was actually Parowan, not Scipio. Just so we're straight on that...

Oh Baby that’s what I like! (And loathe)

We head to San Diego (SWINE FLU! SWINE FLU! CODE RED!) on Saturday so I thought I’d get a little some-n’ some-n’ for ya’ll to read. (I’m practicing my ‘Indianan’ because Danny’s decided he wants to go to my 10 year college reunion at Indiana Wesleyan University which will be this October in Marion, IN.)

Confessions:

Those close, and some not so close, to me know that I have had a love affair with Burberry for some time. I don’t know how/why this started… but I love that crazy little plaid and wish I had tons of $$$ to buy hand bags and outfit Holden in little brown-red-and black rompers. Of course, add to the list the rush that would come with buying a pair of Prada / Manolo Blahnik heels and it’s apparent that certain “tastes” of mine far outstretch our spending capacity. But all my tastes aren’t of 5th Ave fantasy… My confessions for the things I love that are not chic (or green), at all.

The Foods I HATE to LOVE



Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup from a can is Totally Ghetto… and totally de-lish. My go-to cuisine for when I have any sort of cold/flu symptoms.



Kraft-Mac-and-Cheese totally NOT organic and I don’t know if any of it really counts as food. But the fatty deliciousness warms my heart and fills my belly. (I can eat half a box by myself in one-sitting. Guilty as charged.)

Crown Burgers French Fries… fast food usually makes me gaggy. The idea of it makes my mind race. Between “Fast Food Nation” and “Super Size Me” my ego grows with the realization I can count how many times I’ve been to McDonald’s in the past 10 years on my fingers. For the most part, greasy food makes me ill, but I can’t deny that the occasional French-fry (especially from Crown Burgers) is a guilty pleasure I continue to enjoy.

Baby Products that the Sierra Club Doesn’t Approve Of

Yes we invested in a small battalion of cloth diapers (just kidding, but it does take a few to have enough for wash cycles etc); but I don’t travel well with the washables owing to the fact that Holden is picky about dry pants so we could have 4 changes in a 45 minute period if we’re not careful (that said, my diaper bag literally cannot HOLD all the cloth diapers he’d need for an outing). So I tried a bunch of non-chlorine varieties of disposable like “seventh generation” and “Nature Babycare” but at the end of the day, I can’t deny that I love Papmpers Swaddlers the best…
and they’re choc full of chlorine and things that are bad for the environment that will someday have our landfills also choc-full.



I also prefer Huggies “Lavender & Chamomile” wipes for Holden because they smell so nice (but yes, we have chlorine free 7th Generation and the like on hand as well). My friend Cassie gave me some of the huggie’s wipes for a shower present and I cannot get over how good they smell (I’ve pretty much been a sucker for anything Lavender since I found out I was pregnant.) Though if I’m home and it’s not 3am or another ridiculous hour of the night, my preference for bum-cleaning are those little baby-washcloths warmed with water. They’re easily cleaned with his cloth diapers. In the wash.

Now that you all know I’m not super mom (as if you needed this post to point that out), I'll feel much better about sharing the green products we actually LOVE using…but down the road.

Then I can also tell you about my “post-natal yoga class” where Cicely and I were the only two mom’s who had their babies in disposable diapers and one of the moms was talking about EC-ing her kid in public restrooms.

“Talk amongst yourselves” (or comment.)