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From
the creators of #Holdenisms and #Lifewith ZoëBug, we proudly present, a year in
review from our conversations in the car, at concerts and beyond.
January
Holden: Mom, Autumn told me I would look better
with a bald head.
Me: Uhhh, what do you think?
Holden: I don't think so. [He's really been hoping to
grow a 'fro.']
Zoë: Oh Howden, don't you want a
Maaaan-Bun?
Holden: No.
Zoë: [Disgruntled] Ahhhh! I wreally wish my
bruwder would get a Maaaan-bun.
After listening to Katy
Perry's "Roar," Z pauses and then says: "But Mom I can't 'dance
through the fire' cause I might melt."
Me: "Zoë what do you want to wear to
school tomorrow?"
Z: "I want to wear some-fing that's
pink."
We're watching the video of Zoë dancing to
the jazz trio at the Grand Brunch playing Beyoncé, while Danny gets his groove
on in the corner. The kids are waiting for their Dad to change his clothes so
we can start a family movie. Holden looks at Danny disapprovingly and says to
me: "Don't turn that on again. Dad needs to be focused."
February
Pointing to her new
portrait painted by PJ Manion: "This is Bob Dylan, and he was a weally
good bander!"
It WAS NOT crazy hair day at school; but Holden surprised
me by styling his locks himself, opting for multiple elastics in
mini-fauxhawks.
Me: So that's how you're wearing your hair today? Are you
worried about being made fun of?
Holden: No. (Shaking his head like I just
asked a crazy question.)
Me: ok cool, get your socks on.
Holden on his first Magic TreeHouse adventure:
"This is the best
book I've read. I love when plots happen so fast!"
How Holden defines a good
experience when asked “How did your ski lesson go?”
"Well,” he says. “I
learned about all the legends of the mountain."
March
Neighborhood playgroup with the 4yo is at
our house today -- it's her and four darling little boys. Quotes of the morning
from her getting ready to be the Hostess with the Mostess:
"Mom, I want apples and cheese and
'fwuits and vegstables,' and everyone can have their oooooown apple," as
she makes multiple trips up and down the stairs to secure enough Costco apples
that are almost as large as her guests heads.
She also requested "Wok-n-Woll!" for the
background music, but said if anyone asked for "Gangman Style" or
"Let it Go" that would be ok, too.
And then:
"Mom, I just want my fwends to help me
rake the leaves."
Me: "Well, they may just want to play with toys."
"But they are my guests so I will tell them what to do."
Me: "Well, they may just want to play with toys."
"But they are my guests so I will tell them what to do."
I share some Lactivism on Facebook--
“I love it when friends
call me for advice about weaning... Because I'm basically like, “your kid's not
even three, what's the rush?’”
Daylight Savings Holdenism:
On discovering it was already bed time when
it's completely light outside he moans: "Is this meant to be a
dream-breaker for kids, or what?"
First day of Spring Break and I'm wondering what
adventures the kids are dying to do today: Library for new books? Zoo to see
the new babies? Bernie Sanders rally?
The options are endless!
The possibilities infinite!
The social media posts will prove to be epic!
The possibilities infinite!
The social media posts will prove to be epic!
"Mom, we just want a day home," Holden says,
excited to play and build something with the wood he got for Christmas.
April
Apparently I didn’t write down anything interesting my
family said in April….at least, nothing I felt merited a facebook post.
May
One particular sick day home
from school for Holden, he’s frustrated I can’t be at his beckon call all day. I finish up my conference call, and tell
him I need to send one more email before I can come join him again. I draft a
few lines of correspondence when he hollers from his bedroom: "Maaaaoooom!
What's taking so long?"
"I told you. I had to send an
email," I reply. "'Remember, I said that when you're at school that's
when I do my work for Neumont?'"
He looks at me quizzically.
"What," I say, "Did you
think I was just home doing yoga all day?"
"Yes," he says. "That's
exactly what I thought."
I tell Holden he’s growing
like a weed, and he reminds me “one man’s weed is another man’s wildflower.”
Last day of sewing for Holden at The Finishing School
until the summer. His pièce de résistance: Deadpool, of course.Danny asked him
if anyone else sewed a Deadpool today.
"No," he told us. "They were afraid their moms would get
mad."
Zoë: "Mom when I grow up I'm moving to
Africa to study mathematics...and gen-aw-tics."
Me: "I think you mean genetics."
Z: "What's genetics?"
Me: "The study of your genes." (H
& Z erupt in laughter.) "Not jeans you wear, like what make your eyes
blue or your hair blonde. Your DNA."
Z (more giggles): "When I grow up I'm gonna move to Africa to study
mathematics, genawtics and jeans I wear." (Just a reminder that last year she aspired to be a pumpkin,
so life ambitions are upward-trending.)
Me to Holden: "It's so exciting! Last
day of school!"
Him: "What's so good about that?"
June
When puts on an outfit she adores she says:
"I'm gonna be FASHION!" -or- "Everyone is gonna say 'Zoë you look fashion!"
Excited to get back to The
Finishing School to start a week-long sewing camp, Holden gives me his
plan: "I'm going to sew like 15 Picachus
today!"
Getting her favorite nursery
rhymes on Netflix: "Mom, we need to watch Mother
Goosebumps," and then sings "Nick Nack Waddy-Pack give a dog a
booooone!"
After months of being on opposite school
schedules, Z and one of her besties--we'll call her "Franny"--finally
got together for a long awaited playdate. On the drive to our house the two
were discussing their plans to live together in Japan when they grow up (Z's
idea)... and then China because Holden told them there were ninjas in Japan (so
obvs. China must've sounded like a much safer place.)
Then they shared their life goals:
"I'm going to be a doctor when I grow up, and study lots of things, and
help the homeless," Zoë said.
Franny shared her plans: "Well, when I
grow up I'm going to be a Mom, and a ballerina and a nurse and a doctor."
"I'm gonna do that too!" Z added,
the power of suggestion is strong with this age group.
The Holden chimed in. "I'm going to drive
an ice-cream truck and work at Lagoon," he shared.
"Dream big," I tell him.
"I'm just afraid they won't pay me
very much money," he lamented.
July
Z on milestones: "Mom
when I get my license when I'm 16 I'm driving straight to the place to get my nose
pierced."
Holden, after catching
some segments of the Sunday political news round-ups with his Grandpa: “I’m not
voting for Donald Trump because he says swears, and mean things about women.” #proudmama
August
Zoë kissing Holden on the head and affectionately
whispering: "You're my little Zika Virus."
After about the fifth time Holden follows
up with, "I don't think you know what that means."
Z says: "Mom I can
tell that you're going crazy right now and that's why I'm helping you set the
table."
September
Over breakfast, Z's casual comment:
"Hoe-den, only girls can have babies. Not boys." Holden, looks over at me with a Mona-Lisa
smile and a knowing twinkle in his eye: "Zoë, I'm pretty sure boys play a
role in the process."
After Z’s soccer game, she says: "Mom, I'm finished with my cookie
because I have had enough sugar. Now I'm just gonna meditate."
Z shares what she loves
about school starting (Pre-K4):
"Because they have
PB&J that comes in a plastic and it's a circle! And they have chips! And
they have corn dogs with ketchup!"
Our kids, the fashionistas:
Z picked out gold sequined jacket
from H&M and said: "It is my most favorite shirt in the whole entire
world. It sparkles in the sun. Everyone will say, 'Oh Zoë, where did you get
your coat?'"
Not surprising, Holden was
quite envious of the piece asking for one himself, but later reconsidered
noting he thought it would be too disruptive to his classmates and make it
harder for others to learn. "I just don't know where I would really wear
it," he lamented.
"I just 'wreally' want
to be a wrock-star Mom."
"Mom we really need
to get me some footie pajamas. Get me pink, but if they don't have pink then
get me something beautiful, and if they don't have something beautiful than get
me something cool, and if they don't have something cool just get me
black."
Z during the first
presidential debate, screaming at Trump on the TV: “That is not how you treat a
lady!” #littlefeminist
October
Danny tells Z she need’s new
ski pants: “I need pink!” She squeals.
“I only work in pink.... And white.... And sometimes very very very dark red.”
On attending the “Rally for Equal
Treatment of Women” at the State Capitol:
Holden was worried he
wouldn't be allowed to join us. But Z assured him: "Don't worry Hoe-den,
all kinds of mens can come too!"
On her locks: "Mom, I
want straight hair like Adele."
And having the flu: “You know the best thing about throwing up? I
get to watch shows ALL Day!"
"I've got something really fun that we
could do on a trip to Hawaii,” Danny says, “but it's kind of expensive so we'll
need to save our money..." and proceeds to tell them about a helicopter
ride with breathtaking falls that includes a tour of the island where Jurassic
Park was filmed.
"I'm sorry Dad," Zoë tells him. "But I'm
trying to save *my* money for a fire jet pack. So how about we just use your
money, mom's money and Hoe-dens?"
You can read the entirerecap here, but H &Z’s conversation about The Little Mermaid ended with the Holden weighing in on her life choices:
“I don’t think she’s gone to college Zoë. I don’t think she really knows
anything.”
Zoë, indignant at such a
harsh critique of the headstrong redhead rebuked her brother
firmly: “Yes she has Hoe-den! She went to school. She went to Mermaid College
and Mermaid school!”
November
[Scene: Holden practicing
his KungFu forms in the mirror this morning.]
Z: "Hoe-den, you are
lookin' fierce today!"
On “The Disquieting Muses” (aka. An
introspective into failed female parenting and otherness.)
Z: "Mom, will you turn on the
poetry?"
Me: "You mean the Sylvia Plath
tape?"
Z: "Yeah, I like the 'mother-mother' one because it
helps me sleep."
Holden: "Mom, I just
feel like my heart is telling me that I should do Kung Fu..."
December
Hamilton Holdenism.
H: "Mom, I think for my birthday I want a Hamilton party."Me: "You already said you wanted to take a few friends to the Batman Lego movie." H: "Yes, but I mean when I turn nine... we could play the music from Hamilton..."Me (thinking out loud as to what exactly a Hamilton party would entail): "Maybe dress up as your favorite founding father?... or maybe we could hire someone to come play George Washington."H: "How much do you think it would be to get the guy who wrote it, you know the original one who played Hamilton to come?" Me: "Like $200,000! That's the cost of a house for some people!" H: "Well you guys could probably do that." Me (exasperated): "Um, No. That is waaaay too much money"H: "OK, well, what's that new city it's playing in?"Me: "Chicago?"H:" Yeah, Chicago. I guess I could just take a couple of my closest friends to Chicago for a couple of nights and we could see it there..."
Zoë on meeting Santa when he inquires if she should be on the naughty or nice list:
"I'm on the nice list because I've been good all day today."
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