Danny’s computer is really slow. I like to use it because it makes me feel all hip and cool like I’m part of Generation Y; even though my husband downloads all my music from iTunes and I remember when MySpace was called “Friendster.”
Anyway, as promised “a little ditty bout jack-n up my angel food cake.” (please sing that last line to the tune of John Cougar Melencamp’s “Life Goes On.” I can wait . . . ah, that’s nice.
OK, so apparently kosher salt is like “Na“ on steroids. It’s like the kryptonite of salt. WHOA! Did you know if you miss-spell ckryptonite; like say with a “c” instead of a “k” it automatically changes it for you?!?!? WOW, Steve Jobs is sooooo hip. He’d be my hero except he doesn’t give 90% or more of his earnings to charity like that Microsoft dude; or Warren Buffet.
You know, people definitely notice if you use Warren Buffet and Jimmy Buffet interchangeably; because they have a lot less in common than one might imagine. I mean, I’m sure Warren Buffet digs a cheeseburger in paradise and all, but those two are drastically different. If you don’t believe me, just google their pictures – or their world views.
So back to the salt lick cake, as Danny so eloquently put it. The moral of the story is I had created this amazing menu:
Appetizers: My (almost) world famous hot artichoke dip with chips and martinellis so we could feel like swanky mormons.
1st Course: Pineapple and Grapefruit slush with frozen blueberries, and a lime twist
2nd Course: Arugala and spinach salad with roasted beets, toasted almond slivers and feta cheese with a home made Dijon lemon and garlic dressing (yes, I minced the fresh garlic myself)
3rd course: The sweet and sour chicken that gave birth to an orange and some baby kumkwats because I failed to tie its legs together appropriately and thus with chicken # 2 I had to improvise . . . I was just grateful my mint-dental floss did not sep into the juices of bird #2. (Also, praise to “Q” for working at Kenny Rogers Roasters. He cut that roasted chicken like . . . well, I can’t even describe it. But I think it mirrored one of the scenes I have to hold my hand over my eyes for in Braveheart.)
Dessert:
Well, it was supposed to be my delightful homemade angel foodcake with strawberry compote and fresh whipped cream. I separated 10 egg whites from the bunch and whipped those suckers to perfection. But the dang kosher salt tricked me with it’s Herculean strength and after I had cut everyone’s pieces I decided to take one little crumb to taste.
As we said in the 80s, “GAG ME WITH A CHAINSAW!”
It was horrible! Absolutely wretched. . . . and no one believed me when I told them not to eat it because of my natural self-deprecating personality they thought I was just being overly judge-mental!!! So I had to watch as all our guest took a bite anyway and about gagged as well. I was devastated. But I was laughing hysterically because it really was so awful, and felt like a scene from some sort of Bridget Jones prequel or something. So I’m laughing so hard I’m crying and the temperament of the party has changed a little bit.
Danny said I put the other wives at ease, and it made me look a little more human; but I still would’ve preferred perfection.
Guess I’ll have to leave that piece to Rosario.
Until next time.
Ssm
Post script. I got two comments! And so between the two posts that means 3 more people! Everyone rejoice in the gang! I am well on my way to a friends circle like unto P.Diddy on MySpace (act now and you can join his 3000 person network).
Double post script. Spence, I need your link so everyone can read your blog about the Democrat Clone Army. . . . one of the funniest things I’ve ever read in my life!
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