Pregnancy Chronicles – Part Deux

Sorry for the delay my pretties. I didn’t realize what I was getting myself into with this yoga-life 2008!

Currently, I am so happy to just be sitting down… but after reading everyone’s comments and well wishes; I am so full of gratitude I just wanted to say thank you from the fullest most expansive part of my heart (yes, I’ve been doing a lot of “heart opening” in yoga.)

Here’s some things I’ve noticed about pregnancy… you mothers (or husbands who have been through this, please feel free to weigh in on if I’m going crazy…)

I fell as if I am embracing my inner Elvis, best described in the words (which are a cover, I note)… “You ain’t nothing but a hound dog…”

CRYING ALL THE TIME
#1 I cry a lot! Last weekend my dad bought me a “lemon lime and tiger’s blood snowie” at the Bees game that I was so grateful for I started crying. Who knew heart opening extended to shaved ice?

#2 Go go gadget nostrils… because beyond the crying, there is the SNIFFING!!! Holy crap! Danny ate garlic a week ago and I could still smell it days later (poor guy). We’ll be driving down the street and I’ll start getting a little gaggy… like “EW! What smells like fried chicken?!?!” And three blocks ahead of us there’s a KFC. The Colonel’s secret recipe is not sitting well with this fetus.

I could lay down for a 15 minute nap, and never return from Neverland…
#3 Tired, tired, tired…. This isn’t really a fair one because I’ve heard pregnancy makes you tired from just “being.” The preggers Bible “what to Expect When You’re Expecting” says I exhaust more energy just sitting than Danny does at the gym… but I’m not sitting much… I’m yoga a go-go-ing about 9 – 13 hours a day. Thankfully only about 4 - 6 hours of it is actually postures, but still… wouldn’t that wipe me out even if I wasn’t making a placenta?!?!

OK, so enough of that… let’s get you up to speed in my crazy fabulous OBGYN. I’m actually switching to a mid-wife (yes, to give birth in the woods with a stick in my mouth.) No I kid… it will still be at the hospital, and I’ll keep my OBGYN as a back-up in case there are any complications… but I’d live to take the road less traveled if possible, and try to do this thing the old fashioned way. ☺ We’ll see how it goes since I start sweating from the pain when I’m getting laser hair removal done…) But I think natural child birth is like running a marathon… you train, you do the best you can do… but you can’t wake up the morning of and think, hmmm today I’ll run the Boston Marathon. There’s some back end work – mentally and physically – that needs to happen if you’re going to make it happen…. (understanding my birth clan totally includes clauses for whatever’s best for the baby… like if I need to be cut open or something, you know? I mean, you just never know.)

OK, so if you’re still with me… the crazy OB/GYN:

Danny attends the appointment with me, and the nurse that meets with us initially is so super practical… I’m pretty sure she can tell I’m totally Type A because I have a list of my initial questions that’s about two pages long; and that’s AFTER I’ve read all of the supplemental chapters in “What to Expect” been on babycenter.com AND been to my family practice doctor.

In a nutshell, she explains that the Doc is pretty mellow, no ultrasounds unless there’s a concern until about the 16 week (depending on need) and that I shouldn’t be so stressed out about making everything perfect.

I pee in a cup, talk about how I’ve been feeling and get some blood work done. When we return the Doc is in his office and invites us in. He’s got Led Zeppelin playing in the back ground, and I compliment him on his taste in music. He muses about John Bonham (which is my favourite drummer too, but I leave that detail out)… and then he begins (what appears to be a ritual) of dumping a box of good-n-plentys on his desk and invites us to partake…

Um, doesn’t he know I’m preggers and therefore am trying to limit my intake of processed sugar for the health of my child? Not to mention the dangers of HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP?!?!? EEK!

He begins to explain to us why this particular Zeppelin song is so amazing (switch from ¾ time to 5/8 time or something…) At one time, as I’m sipping on my ½ gallon water jug (because “What to Expect has told me the importance of keeping hydrated) he remarks, “Dang woman, you’re going to drown!” So much for my baby-your-baby efforts.

I ask him some questions about our birth plan:

Me: ”So how do you feel about hydro birthing?”
Doc: “Great idea if you want your baby to drown.”
Check, so no hydro birthing.

Me: “But jacuzzi’s are ok?”
Doc: “I don’t care if you want to give birth in the shower as long as you don’t mind washing my back.”
Ew, Maybe rethink the water idea…

Danny, I might mention, is eating this up (not to mention the stash of good-n-plenties). At one time the Doc warns against water skiing because if I fall, and the water shoots up into my vagina (sorry, had to write it) with some sort of bacteria that can lead to infection of the baby… and the baby dies in me, infecting me and ultimately I die… so again, the water thing has taken a turn for worse.
So I’m steering clear of wake boarding this year.

Doc: ‘Listen, women have been doing this for thousands of years. I don’t know what kind of pregnancy you’re going to have. May be easy, may be terrible… my advice? Don’t go skydiving without a parachute, rock climbing without a rope… and stop reading so much. That ‘What to Expect’ book was written by lawyers…”

By this point, I think Danny is going to jump across the desk and hug our OB. (My Mom’s always telling me I read too much too.) He’s totally grinning, like “I knew you didn’t have to be so OCD about this thing….”

Doc: “Listen, here’s what I do. I carry around a fire hose. If I see smoke, I put out the fire.”

By this point, any reference to water are not going so well. I decided to save my questions about hypnobirthing and Lamaze classes for another day. I wasn’t going to get much more out of this visit… the nurse had answered my questions… they gave me a list of things to avoid (medicines, h20 skiing, etc) and didn’t seem to care that I was onl getting 30 grams of protein a day instead of the recommended 75 (I think my baby’s a vegan. Bless his heart).

The moral of the story? Even though the doc is a little nutty, I have every confidence in the world that if there were any complications, he would be the guy I’d want taking care of me. Cut to the chase and take care of business. That’s what I want in the case of birthing complications… but for my pregnancy, I’d think I’d like someone who pays as much attention to my uterus as the time count of Jon Bonham.

namaste

hopefully i'll writer sooner next time.