My Christmas list for Santa – baby!
Dear Santa,
I know you’re most likely expecting me to ask for something all philanthropic-ish like World Peace or solving global hunger… and of course those are at the top of my list… but I was thinking that there would be an easier way for me to be an “instrument” in the hands of the divine. I’ve prayed about this (ok, for this is more like it… but you know what I mean), so here it is:
I think you should Make Me Famous.
Ever since I was a little girl and Jaime Lynch and I decided in 3rd grade that we would still be friends “no matter which of us wins Ms. America” I have known FAME is my DESTINY.
Think of all the cool things I could do, I mean Ways I could SERVE, if I were famous…Here’s a few of the great ideas I had:
And I mean, this isn’t just about me serving… I’m of course aware of how this will affect Holden once he’s out of the womb. I’m pretty sure he’s going to be as cute as any of the Jolie-Pitt kiddos… and aren’t people tired of reading about that “Suri” chick by now anyway? I thought we were boycotting Tom Cruise after all those wretched things he said about Brooke Shields?
Obviously the details can be worked out. In the meantime, if you can’t deliver by Christmas, New Years or Holden’s Birthing Date (January 23rd, give or take a few days) will also work great!
Love you Santa. Thanks in advance for giving a gift the whole universe is surely to prosper from,
Your Biggest Fan
PS. I don’t mean to be rude or anything, but has Ms. Claus got you on some sort of Healthy Life-style regimen yet? I just don’t know if we’re sending our youth the right message with your “weight issue.” Is it stress? Genetic? Hundreds of years of conditioning? You know, I’m a registered Yoga teacher now… I’m happy to help set a course for overall spiritual and physical clarity for you… (and I’ve got some great RATES for the Holidaze!!!) This is the year for you to remake yourself into something a little more “with the times.”
I know you’re most likely expecting me to ask for something all philanthropic-ish like World Peace or solving global hunger… and of course those are at the top of my list… but I was thinking that there would be an easier way for me to be an “instrument” in the hands of the divine. I’ve prayed about this (ok, for this is more like it… but you know what I mean), so here it is:
I think you should Make Me Famous.
Ever since I was a little girl and Jaime Lynch and I decided in 3rd grade that we would still be friends “no matter which of us wins Ms. America” I have known FAME is my DESTINY.
Think of all the cool things I could do, I mean Ways I could SERVE, if I were famous…Here’s a few of the great ideas I had:
- Outfit the less fortunate with a Burberry handbag (if you make me famous enough I’d do Prada, but that seems a little excessive don’t you think?)
- Buy everyone a hybrid… the really good kind, without the carbon footprint issues.
- Get iPods with pre-loaded podcasts of upbeat affirmations and positive thinking meditations
- Yoga for the masses! This would not only help with the growing obesity rates in our country but help to get us "centered" as well.
- My own radio/TV program! Because what better way to serve than for yours truly to share the happiness that comes from fame?
And I mean, this isn’t just about me serving… I’m of course aware of how this will affect Holden once he’s out of the womb. I’m pretty sure he’s going to be as cute as any of the Jolie-Pitt kiddos… and aren’t people tired of reading about that “Suri” chick by now anyway? I thought we were boycotting Tom Cruise after all those wretched things he said about Brooke Shields?
Obviously the details can be worked out. In the meantime, if you can’t deliver by Christmas, New Years or Holden’s Birthing Date (January 23rd, give or take a few days) will also work great!
Love you Santa. Thanks in advance for giving a gift the whole universe is surely to prosper from,
Your Biggest Fan
PS. I don’t mean to be rude or anything, but has Ms. Claus got you on some sort of Healthy Life-style regimen yet? I just don’t know if we’re sending our youth the right message with your “weight issue.” Is it stress? Genetic? Hundreds of years of conditioning? You know, I’m a registered Yoga teacher now… I’m happy to help set a course for overall spiritual and physical clarity for you… (and I’ve got some great RATES for the Holidaze!!!) This is the year for you to remake yourself into something a little more “with the times.”
2 comments:
Love it!
I would accept all your gifts. Freely, and happily.
This is one of my favorite posts of yours of all time. Hill arry I (That is Abby for "hilarious").
Well done, my friend.
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