Holdenisms

Kids say the darndest things, eh? Well here's a collection of the highlights from Holdencito (or at least the ones I remembered to post on Facebook.) 

December 2:

“Mom, do you know what I wish they had? A Jesus video game for your iPod: so you could go through different Jesus stories and be in them telepathically.”

Nov 21

"I like regular plays better than ballet-plays because I don't speak 'actions.'"

Nov 19

"Prayers are like a mailbox for Jesus."

Oct 18

Finishes his first triathlon and when Danny asks him what the hardest part was, he replied:

"Did you know in races you have to litter?"
"I think what happened is... Well, you know when you get brain damage? Well I think I got brain damage from hitting heads with Dad and it just trickled down into my feet."
‪#‎thatwhatitsallabout

sept

Me: What do you want for dinner Holden?

HDM: I’d be fine with crab legs.

August 18

HDM: Mom, will you tell Zoë the story about Satan tempting Jesus.

Me: You tell her; you tell it so good!

HDM: Well, it was a really bad day for Jesus....

June 4

Holdensim (a tale):

"Good news Mom!" He exuded, coming into my room after working on a project in his playroom. "We're not going to have to get a new Mom!"

Oh, I felt so relieved. He's realized how awesome I am and he's coming to tell me he was just tired.... maybe even apologize.

"We're just going to turn you into a robot mom, instead." He takes out a bunch of pictures (blueprints, I guess) showcasing the various stages of the solution he's come up with.

"You're turning me into a ROBOT?!?!" I ask.

"Yeah, because robots can just do whatever you tell them."

I ask him how he's going to do this. The plan includes setting my hair on fire, shaving my head and replacing my brain with a robot brain.

"OK," I say. "Where is this brain you're putting in me? I'm not doing any of this until I see the brain you're replacing mine with."

He pulls out a pictures of a red and black oval-like shape. "Here it is!"

I ask him how that's going to work. It's just a paper, I tell him.

"Well," he says, "we'll put ideas in it."

March 30th
A mother's night-time lament:

Holden woke up 30 minutes ago telling me his feet were "bubbling." I tried rubbing them (11:05pm), lotion (11:10pm), taking the lotion off and rubbing them with cool wet cloths (11:17pm), and then elevating them with a pillow (11:20ish?)

Shortly after (11:26), he requested "shields" for his feet... Which translated apparently to mean his gold sparkle TOMS because, according to him: 

11:31 he just told me he needed to "get the wiggles out" and proceeded to sing and dance to a couple of verses of the Hokey Pokey. 

St. Patty's Holdenism:

Me: Did anyone talk about leprechauns today?

Holden: Yes, but my teachers said they aren't real. I insist they're lying.

February 25

Holdenism 7:12am.  After laying out his breakfast he had some concerns about his roll with frosting:

"Mom, I don't want to eat the super truffle. If I eat it, I'll be too powerful. I don't want to be the most powerful person in the universe. I just want to be a normal kid."

Feb 18

As he's spray painting the sandbox we built today:

"Well it turns out I'm a fan of red dye."

Jan 28

(Backstory - we returned from a cruise in the Carribean to discover our home had been burglarized...this was Holden's lunch-time prayer, and plea:

"Bless that the guy will give us back our jewelry and our computer. Bless this food will strengthen us. And bless the President will not lead us to darkness."

Nov 12

Parent-Teacher Conferences tomorrow.

We received Holden's Progress Report electronically... it's 23 pages. While he got an "always" in the "makes friends" category, he received a "seldom" in the "works independently" column.