I'm sending this USPS later today, what do you think? I don't want to be too demanding, but I want to make sure Mr. Kringle knows I mean business.
*****
Dear Santa,
How have you been? As you know, I have been a very good girl this year (despite YOUR COMPLETE FAILURE at fulfilling my ONE and ONLY Christmas to be famous wish from last year.) But as you know I am a very forgiving individual and so instead of my request to be famous turning into the proverbial 'wish for a pony'... I've changed my tune.
This year - make me skinny.
There are many reasons to fulfill my grown up Christmas wish, but here are three key areas that make this a selfless request:
THE ENVIRONMENT
Skinny people are smaller and therefore use less resources. It won't take as much material to clothe me. Plus, I won't eat as much (because from what I can see, skinny people usually don't eat much).
MY SON
No one wants a chubby mommy. I mean sure, I'm great to snuggle up with. But I'm pretty sure Holden wants a mom who is cute and cool and youthful. And no one can be cool that is destined to live life in sweat suits because nothing else fits.
MY MARRIAGE
Really I'm doing it for my husband and in the name of building a better family. If I'm skinny, I'm more likely to 'be in the mood.' And for some reason, that makes my husband really happy.
So are you going to deliver, or what?!?!
Please hurry and make it so, or all these chocolate chip cookies I made for you will be gone before you get here.
Yours truly,
Sabrena
*****
PS. When I started this letter I was typing too fast for my fingers and accidentally wrote 'Dear Satan." Am I supposed to read anything into that?!?!
4 comments:
Guess what Sabrena? Super skinny people are always hungry and therefore always grouchy. (Example in your basement...) Neither Holden or Danny would appreciate a change in your wonderful demeanor. And plus super skinny people have chests that resemble 12 year old boys. Hello? Your beautiful blessings would be sorely sorely missed. (By me especially.)
You are soooo funny! Wouldn't that be cool if Santa granted all of our wishes??? If that did happen, I would no longer get zits like I was in Jr. High still (seriously...).
You are beaurtiful and will be surprised that one day it will just be gone (maybe after some hard work, but it will!)....
Thanks for the cute Christmas card, love it!!
HAAAA HAAAAAAA! This made me burst out laughing!!! I adore you Sabrena. You are so candid and hysterical. But you also happen to be drop dead gorgeous so this whole thing is kind of unnecessary. Just sayin.
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